C'est La Vie
by Ronja-R
Summary: A lifetime of Chuck and Blair...
1. Chapter 1

I know I have lots of other stories that I should be updating… and I can't promise this one will get frequent updates, though it might not need them either. I just really felt like I needed to write something Chair-positive (or semi-positive at least… it won't seem so positive at the start, heh) after seeing **510** and **511** (I have yet to see **512** and I'm avoiding spoilers but I'm not betting on it being Chair-tastic). Anyway, I wanted to write something happier for a change and this is the result. Not that it's going to be all fluff and rainbows but at least I can guarantee you that it won't be a will they/won't they story.

I based this around a one-shot I wrote some time ago, called "Lifetime". You don't have to read that story to understand this one and if you haven't read it you might want to avoid it for now or you'll get spoilers for this fic. I'm not sure if this is going to be a long-running story or if I'll lose interest in it real soon. It doesn't have one ongoing, coherent plot and will be more like glimpses of Chuck and Blair's life together and if I stop updating it you can always find the "conclusion" in the one-shot.

Anyway, hope you'll enjoy it and here's hoping the writers of the show will give them an even better future than anything I can come up with.

* * *

><p><em>Blair closed the door behind her as gently as she could. She didn't want to do anything to wake him up now that he was finally asleep. It reminded her of when the children had been little and another fresh stab of pain ran through her. In a lot of ways having a husband with Alzheimer's was a lot like having a child. It was far more difficult than she had anticipated and it surprised her how there was so much more to it than just the loss of memory. She could live with not getting a moment to herself, she could live with him misplacing things and failing to remember things they had been talking about mere minutes before and she could even live with how it sometimes took him a second to recognize that she was Blair, his wife, when he was expecting someone much younger. What she couldn't live with was her Chuck losing dignity this way. He had always been able to rely on himself, from a very young age, and now he needed other people to help him. His pride and his dignity had always been very important to him and now he had neither left. It seemed so cruel that life always had to take the things that were the most important to him.<em>

_She walked slowly through the Hamptons house they had bought when their youngest was a senior in high school. The house was full of memories, both of things that had taken place within these walls and through the pictures that were up all over the place. They never let strangers come visit them here, it was their own private haven where they had gathered memorabilia from their life together and only the people they knew and trusted were privy to it. When Chuck had first gotten his diagnosis Blair had thought it would be helpful that they had so many pictures up to help him remember but instead they often felt like torture devices. Having to see him study a picture of one of their children or of a cherished memory and be able to tell from the look on his face that he had no idea what he was looking at was heartbreaking. It was completely ridiculous that they had been able to cure countless deadly diseases but still no one knew how to cure Alzheimer's._

_She walked down the steps without her normal vigor. She was seventy-seven but you would never know it when you looked at her. Most people would guess she was ten years younger than her actual age, which was partly the result of cosmetic surgery and partly the result of a strict diet and a lot of exercise. Chuck had aged more than she had, in part thanks to the alcohol habits of his youth but Blair had always suspected that part of it was the hardships life had brought him that took their toll. Then he had gotten sick and the disease which Blair had thought affected just the ability to remember had turned out to have a great effect on him physically as well. He looked more like eighty-six than seventy-six._

_There was a part of her that just wanted it to be over. She knew where this road was heading and she knew he never wanted to be in the state he had been in for the past few years. She had had more than her share of watching the people she loved the most suffer through a slow death and just like the previous time she was torn between wishing he would hold on forever and wishing it could all just be over already. When her child had been dying it had been a much more desperate feeling than what she was experiencing right now but it was unbearably painful nonetheless. She didn't want to lose her husband and become a widow but she couldn't stand watching him in this state much longer._

_That was why she had refused to take him to the hospital when he had gotten the flu. She knew it would most likely kill him either way. He was weak and sickly and even without the underlying Alzheimer's he was at an age where the flu could be fatal. She would much rather keep him home and let him die in their own bed than take him to a hospital where he would be poked and prodded with needles and hooked up to machines and spend his last days in a sterile, impersonal hospital bed surrounded by doctors and nurses who only saw him as yet another patient. She had gone through that with her child and refused to do it once more with her husband. This was where he had lived and this was where he should die._

_She sat down by the large oak kitchen table and grabbed a cookie from an open jar. Chuck had never had much of a sweet tooth but with the disease he had grown much more fond of candy and cookies and pastries. One of the nurses had explained to her that with dementia came loss of sense of taste, and that sweet was the taste that remained the longest. Blair could care less why he suddenly preferred sweets to any other food, she just instructed her staff to keep the house full of the things Chuck liked and ignored the doctors' lectures on healthy eating. Since her first successful pregnancy Blair had been all about healthy eating and knew very well what one should eat and what one shouldn't. She didn't care if Chuck ate a healthy diet or not, it wouldn't prolong his life and health by several years anyway so he might as well get to eat the things he wanted to eat._

_Her eyes drifted to the antique shelf next to the window. It was full of figurines but one shelf had family photos. One of herself, taken a year before her wedding. One of Chuck, taken at his thirtieth birthday. In-between their pictures sat one of their children, taken by a professional photographer when their youngest had been five, their eldest had been twelve and the middle-child had been nine. It was one of her favorite pictures. The three children were lying in a bundle on the floor, grinning at the camera, looking like a trio of siblings who never argued and who always had a great time together. The truth had of course been a whole other story, they had fought and bickered and teased each other as much as any group of siblings, but the picture was still adorable._

_She looked away. Right now she didn't like looking at pictures of her dead child. Chuck's illness brought back far too many of her most painful memories. Though it wouldn't be long now until her child wasn't alone anymore._

_Grabbing another cookie she pulled one leg up on the chair and wrapped an arm around her knee. When she closed her eyes she could see old memories clearly, almost as if she was there again. She remembered Chuck's proposal down to every detail, could see the exact look on his face as he knelt before her holding up the engagement ring. She could hear the words he had said, each syllable committed to memory. She remembered every step in planning their wedding and almost every detail from the ceremony and reception, not to mention the wedding night. They had decided together that when her birth control pills ran out she wouldn't get new ones and they would wait and see. They wouldn't actively try to get pregnant just yet but if a child decided to come along they would welcome him or her with open arms._

_They would let life, and fate, plan it for them._

* * *

><p>"Welcome" Chuck said with a big smile and walked around his desk to give her a kiss.<p>

Blair smiled and felt both excited and a touch nervous. She had graduated from Columbia three days ago and this was her first official day at Bass Industries. She wasn't entirely sure what her job would be within the company but she and Chuck had talked a lot about it the past few months and both liked the idea of her coming to work for the company, at least for a while. The only thing they hadn't discussed was precisely what her job would be. The last thing she was willing to do was get coffee and sharpen pencils and other things that were more suited for interns and blue-collars than for a Waldorf, especially a Waldorf who was living with the CEO. Not that she expected Chuck to bench her with intern duties but it was still a bit nervous to find out what he had in mind.

"Have a good morning so far?" he asked and placed a kiss on her cheek.

"A productive morning" she smiled. "I'm all warmed up and ready to put my days as a college student behind me and start my new life as a proper working woman."

"I think you'll like what I have in mind for you" Chuck said and walked back to sit down by his desk. "Have a seat."

She walked over and pondered for a second if she should take a more comfortable seat on his lap but decided that the best way to start off her new career was to take the businesslike approach and have a seat across from his desk like the other people on the pay roll.

"So let's hear it Bass" she said, smoothening her skirt with her palm. "Where do you think I will be the most productive? I've been thinking hotel management myself. Not the boring stuff that involves running around in a uniform but more along the lines of cracking the whip and making sure your hotels are the best ones in the city."

"Having you around at the office all day is going to be a distraction" Chuck smirked. "Let's save the whip-cracking for the bedroom, shall we? I can't run a company if I can't concentrate, now can I?"

"I'm sure you could somehow manage" Blair replied. "You don't fool me. When you've got your mind on work there's nothing that's able to distract you. Not that I won't pull out every trick in my book to tempt you, of course."

He laughed a little and twirled a pencil around with his fingers. Then he put the pencil down and looked at her with a new glint in his eyes. He had almost seamlessly slipped from boyfriend to boss and she knew that the banter part of the program was over. She didn't mind much. They both knew they needed to be professional at the office, at least most of the time, and she had to admit that she found it rather arousing to see him take his work so seriously.

"I'm not going to place you in charge of one of the hotels" he said.

"Pity."

"Perhaps. Perhaps you'll feel different once you hear what I do have in mind."

"Then what is it?" Blair asked with a smile.

He leaned over his desk, elbows together, hands clasped, and looked at her with a different kind of intensity than she was used to.

"Blair" he said. "I want to make you the face of Bass Industries."

Three emotions ran through her in quick succession. The first was disbelief. Making her the face of the company was absurd. The second was exhilaration. Bass Industries was at its heart a family affair and if she were to be the face of it she would need to be an official member of the Bass family. The third was disappointment. Was this how he planned on proposing?

"I… uh…" she began to stutter. "I…"

"It's perfect" Chuck said with a smile and leaned back in his chair. "I've given it a lot of thought. You are exactly what this company needs for the public eye. A well-educated, classy woman of quality birth and gorgeous to boot. You'll have people wrapped around your little finger with ease."

"Chuck I'm not even working for the company yet and I never have" Blair protested. "How can I be the face of the company? I don't know the first thing about Bass Industries."

"Nonsense. You know plenty."

"The name" Blair said. "I'm a Waldorf, not a Bass."

"Exactly."

Blair held her breath for what he would say next, going wildly back and forth between wanting to hear him say those words and hating how he had chosen to do so.

"The Bass name is perhaps respected but it's not highly regarded" Chuck continued, producing a confused frown on her face. "You are associated with the family, the fact that you are my girlfriend is public knowledge, yet you don't carry the Bass name. You're a Waldorf, a name associated with dignity and grace. That's where I want to take this company. Away from the scandals and the image that I helped build, that my father and my uncle helped build… Your name and above all your personality and your many strengths are exactly what this company needs."

"I don't get it" Blair frowned.

He chuckled.

"I'm saying you are everything I need the face of Bass Industries to be."

"Why can't you be the face?" Blair asked, wrinkling her nose. "You've been the face for years now."

"Like I said, it's time to change the image."

"But what exactly would I _do_?"

"Represent the company on various events… Talk to the press, that sort of thing. You know you have a gift for it."

"It's not exactly what I had in mind" Blair said, feeling more disappointed by the second. She hadn't wanted him to propose this way but the way he was carrying on it seemed like he didn't think they ought to get married anytime soon.

"You are of course free to decline" Chuck said, picking up the pencil again and twirling it. "I can consider putting you in charge of hotel management. Though I think it would be a waste of a very valuable resource. You belong in the spotlight."

"I'd have the whole company on my shoulders" Blair protested. "Not to mention it's a huge gamble for you." She made a face and decided to tackle her latest concern head on. Was he really saying she shouldn't become a Bass and therefore that they shouldn't get married? "What if we were to break up? You don't want me to be what people mainly associate your company with if we split up."

"I trust you completely" he said. "I know you'd never do anything to mess with the company, no matter what went down between the two of us."

Blair couldn't contain her disappointment and irritation. He hadn't even said that he couldn't imagine them breaking up. Things were taking a very odd turn and she didn't like it one bit.

"I can tell this came a bit sudden" he said.

"Putting it mildly" Blair muttered.

"Tell you what, why don't you give it some thought for the rest of the day? Then tonight we can go out to dinner and celebrate."

"Celebrate what, you don't even know if I'll agree."

"Whether or not you become the face you're still going to be working here with me from now on" he said and put the pencil down, getting up from his chair to walk around the desk. "I'd say that's cause enough for celebration. I get to see my amazing girlfriend every day at work, as well as at home."

"Careful, you'll get sick of me" Blair muttered sullenly.

"Impossible" he said, stopping in front of her and reaching out his hands. She took them and he pulled her up to standing, wrapping his arms around her. "You, my love, are sure to be an asset to this place. Just like you enrich my life by just being in it."

"Easy on the sweet talk" Blair said, not feeling very lovey-dovey at the moment.

"If you really have your heart set on hotel management then we'll work something out" he said sweetly.

She frowned at him. All these office hours had apparently made him dense. Did he really think she was upset because she might not get to be in hotel management? Had he no idea how upsetting it was to hear that she should be the face of his company _because_ she wasn't an official family member? If he wasn't ready for marriage then she could understand it but she at least wanted to know that it was on his mind.

"Why don't you take a tour of the office and then have a long lunch?" he suggested and kissed her on the cheek. "Think about my offer. I really don't think you could help me out in any better way than by accepting this position. I think you'd really enjoy it, too. It's right up your alley. You can tell me your decision over dinner. I'm thinking… five star establishment. I'll make reservations."

He kissed her forehead and released his embrace, walking back around his desk to sit down again. Now his demeanor had turned back into business man and the loving boyfriend part of the program had passed. If you could call it that to begin with given the things that had just happened.

With a pout and a frown she turned on her heel and headed for the door. The moment she had closed his office door behind her she grabbed her phone and sent a text to Serena.

* * *

><p>"He wants to make me the face of Bass Industries!" Blair exclaimed about two seconds after meeting up with Serena.<p>

"Oh my God!" Serena gasped. "That's huge! B you must be so excited!"

"Excited?" Blair echoed, making a disgusted face as she side-stepped a hamburger someone had dropped on the street. "There's nothing to be excited about. If things go bad for the company I'll be the one people chew out."

"Yeah but if things go good you'll be, like, one of the most powerful women on Manhattan" Serena countered.

"I don't know the first thing about being in such a position" Blair argued. "I don't know what he expects of me."

"Then ask him to clarify it. B come on, think of what he's asking you to do here. He's making you the front and center of his father's company. That's huge!"

"Oh did I mention that he wants me in that position because I'm a Waldorf, _not_ a Bass?"

"Huh?"

"Apparently this isn't so much about making me feel like part of the family and all about him needing a fresh, non-Bass face to steer the image in another direction. He probably thinks he's throwing me some kind of bone. Maybe he doesn't even think I could be of any actual use for anything so he sticks me as the figurehead."

"B" Serena said with a come-on look. "Chuck thinks the world of your capabilities or he wouldn't offer you such a position. I think it's romantic."

"_Romantic_?"

"Billionaire makes his girlfriend the company face. What bigger token of his devotion to you could you get?"

"How about a promise of a life together, preferably in the shape of a diamond ring from Harry Winston or Tiffany's?"

"That's sure to follow" Serena said. "He wouldn't ask you to do this job if he wasn't planning on spending the rest of his life with you."

"_Au contraire_. It's precisely _because_ I don't share his last name that he thinks I'm right for this."

"B, you're being paranoid."

"Actually I'm quoting. Well, paraphrasing. He gave this big speech on how he wanted someone who was associated with the family but not _part_ of the family."

"On the other hand he turned twenty-three less than a month ago and guys tend to not be thinking about marriage at that age" Serena countered. "I'm sure he's thinking that once you've been established in your role and the image has started to change then it would be a great time to get married. Company CEO marries-"

"That is _awful_!" Blair cut her off. "So now us getting married is just some PR-show? We are not Kardashians, we are Basses and Waldorfs! And probably will remain Basses and _Waldorfs_ until we're in our forties."

"Oh ye of little faith" Serena smiled and put her arm around Blair's shoulders. "Stop worrying. Chuck loves you and if you have any doubt about that then you're a moron. With amnesia. I think you should seriously consider taking this job. You're a natural!"

"I really don't know, S" Blair said, setting aside her relationship worries for the moment. "It's a huge responsibility. I'm not even sure exactly what he's asking of me. Plus it can't be a full-time position. What am I supposed to do when I'm not making public appearances for the good of the company?"

"He'll probably have you chained to the stove, giving birth to a child every other year, so don't you worry about your relationship" Serena teased.

Blair made a face and elbowed her best friend, which only made Serena laugh.

* * *

><p>"What would you like?" Chuck asked that evening at the restaurant, eyeing through his menu. "Should I order for both of us? Or do you want to do that? Or should we just each order separately?"<p>

"What is it with you and us doing things separately?" Blair complained, eyeing through her own menu with little interest.

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing. I'll order. Last time you ordered those oysters and they were terrible!"

"They're an aphrodisiac" Chuck pointed out with a smirk, putting his menu down.

"Not when they taste like that they're not."

She eyed through the menu, regretting that she said she'd order for them both. She didn't have a shred of an appetite and nothing seemed interesting on the menu. They were at one of the finest restaurants in New York and everything was top notch but for all she cared they might as well have gotten hot dogs from an outdoor vendor.

"You look lovely" Chuck said as the waiter approached.

"Yes, I know" Blair said with a disingenuous smile. "You've told me. Twice."

"You look lovelier now than you did when I said it last."

"Enough with the needless compliments, Bass."

"Don't be silly, I'll always give them and you'll always love hearing them" he said and gave the waiter a friendly nod. "And they'll never be needless."

Blair gave the menu one more glance and then ordered food at random. Chuck offered no objections but made one addition to the order, asking for a bottle of her favorite champagne. As the waiter took their menus and walked away Blair gave Chuck a puzzled look.

"Not that I'm complaining, but -95 Dom? I like a night out as much as anyone but this seems a bit much to just celebrate us starting to work together."

"I'm hoping we'll have something more to celebrate" he said.

She gasped a little when he leaned forward and reached out his hands, placing them on top of hers and giving them a loving squeeze. Suddenly she felt anticipation building inside her. He had taken her to one of the best restaurants, ordered her favorite champagne and said he hoped they'd have more cause for celebration. Perhaps she had been wrong earlier. Maybe the job proposal had come first and now a marriage proposal would follow. This setting was much more like him than his office would have been. It made sense. He had to offer her a job today so he did, but he wanted to save the special moment for when they were out to dinner.

"You really do look lovely tonight" he said, his fingers caressing hers. "I really couldn't be more blessed to be the man you're with."

"Don't forget it" she somehow managed to say, even though her mouth was completely dry and her thoughts a whirlwind.

"I have no intention to" he smiled. "You're what matters most. Always."

She realized she was looking at him like a complete idiot, eyes wide open and mouth slightly ajar. She formed her features into a smile, hoping it was a pretty one. Right now she was so nervous and excited she barely knew what her face was doing.

"Which is why I really hope… you'll take my job offer."

"W… what?"

"I know you better than anyone. I know you'd be perfect for this job. Together we can bring Bass Industries into a whole new era. Everything you are is everything I want people to perceive the company to be. Strong, driven, ambitious. Spirited and vivacious and beautiful."

"That's… endearing" she managed, so taken aback by the fact that he wasn't proposing that she wasn't sure how to respond.

"I hope you gave it a lot of thought today and that you are as excited about the idea as I am" he smiled.

She swallowed her disappointment and tried to force herself not to think about it. Running to the bathroom and crying felt like a tempting option right about now but she had to keep it together. It was obvious that the future of their relationship was the farthest thing from his mind at the moment and if she threw an emotional fit he would only be confused. She would have to deal with that later and be reasonable in the moment. He hadn't said or done anything to actually let her believe this night was about a proposal. Serena was probably right, that would come along further down the line. At the moment she had to focus on the actual question he had asked and everything it would mean.

"Chuck I'm not sure you've thought this through" she said. "I can't be the face of Bass Industries. It's not even a full-time job. It's something the CEO does along with the rest of his work. You don't have one face and one…."

"I know and I've been thinking about that" he said. "I disagree that the CEO has to be the public face, obviously, but you're right about it not being a full-time job. I think you should explore the company more and get to know all the various sides of it. Not only will that be a help to you in your public position but you could get a feel for all the other jobs that need to be done. Find the place you're most comfortable at and make it your place of work. Whether it be in marketing or in financial or even in hotel management."

"It's not a little thing you're asking of me" she said. "I'm not sure I'm comfortable with it. It's a family business at its core. Bart's business. Why would you want everyone to focus on someone who isn't a family member?"

"I told you, a change in the image" Chuck said.

"Yes but it's still going to be _Bass_ Industries."

"You can do this job" Chuck said, leaning back as the waiter approached with a bottle of champagne.

Blair looked unsure while the expensive liquid was being poured into a pair of crystal flutes. Once they were alone again Chuck picked up his flute and let his fingers play with the brim, smiling at her with confidence.

"What do you say, my love?" he asked. "Shall we toast to you and I working at the same office? Or toast to you being the face everyone thinks of when they hear the name Bass Industries?"

"You're the only human being on the planet who can somehow make that sound romantic" she noted. "Chuck I'm afraid I'd just disappoint you if I did this."

"You could never disappoint me. If you don't enjoy it or feel comfortable with it you can always step back in a few months."

"Won't that look bad?"

"We've tackled worse."

"Alright then…" she tentatively said, not really knowing how else to respond. "Alright… I guess…"

His face lit up in a wide smile and he clinked his flute to hers. She drank with far less excitement than he, worrying that she had bit off more than she could chew.

* * *

><p>They arrived back home a few hours later. Home these days was a two bedroom apartment overlooking the park, a large and spacious place they had picked out a few months after getting back together. Just to the left when you walked inside there was a walk-in coat closet and Blair walked inside it to hang up her light summer jacket as soon as they arrived home, exhausted and ready for bed. Chuck was in a good mood though not entirely at ease either, probably well aware that she didn't share his enthusiasm for her new job and perhaps a bit disappointed by her reaction.<p>

She walked out of the coat closet and into the living room where Chuck was pouring himself a scotch. He offered her a drink but she declined, stopping in front of a large mirror to examine her reflection while she removed the silver earrings she had worn to dinner. He came up to her and wrapped his arms around her waist from behind, kissing her cheek and nuzzling against her, gently rocking them back and forth for a second.

"I'm so excited for you to come to work with me tomorrow" he mumbled against her neck.

"Please Chuck, don't expect too much" she said. "It's too much pressure."

"My girlfriend thrives under pressure" he smirked and kissed her cheek again before letting go of her and walking over to get his drink. He emptied the tumbler in three large gulps and set it down on a coaster on the coffee table. "Did you enjoy dinner? You didn't say much on the way back home."

"Dinner was lovely" Blair said. "I think I'm going to head to bed now."

"Not too tired, I hope" he smiled. "I wasn't quite done celebrating."

She didn't answer, not really in the mood for celebratory sex. She walked towards their bedroom with him at her heels, wondering if she should yawn demonstratively. She opened the door and walked inside, stopping a few feet in with eyebrows raised. He had really gone all out to celebrate this occasion. Candles were lit all around the room and peonies were strewn on the bed forming the shape of two entwined hearts. She wasn't sure how he had been able to arrange this, seeing as she had been with him every minute since they left the apartment to go to dinner, but he was Chuck Bass and he had a way of making things happen.

"You're really excited about this whole face of the company thing" she noted.

"Blair."

He said her name softly and she turned to look at him. When their eyes met he let out a breath and then sank down on one knee, a nervous smile spreading across his face. In his hand he held something she recognized more than well and had been longing to get from him for quite some time – a ring box. She stared at him, unable to utter a word at first, and he took his time speaking as well.

"Now?" she finally managed to blurt out, shocked by his timing.

"I wanted to surprise you" he answered with a smile.

* * *

><p>Later that night she was wide awake, reliving every second of what had happened since he dropped to one knee. It was funny, she could recall every single detail about those minutes when he had asked her to be his wife but she had absolutely no recollection of how they had gotten from the middle of the room to the bed. Flashes of the things they had said to one another echoed in her mind. This was so completely different from the first proposal she had been on the receiving end of. She had never felt anything like this, the kind of happiness and fulfillment which ought to come with becoming betrothed to the person you were meant to spend your life with. The happiness that had been missing the first time she got engaged.<p>

Chuck was fast asleep next to her, their bodies still in a bit of a tangle. He had fallen asleep almost instantly after rolling off her and she couldn't blame him. She had nodded off as well but woken up again after a few minutes due to the not entirely comfortable sleeping position they were in and it seemed like those few minutes of sleep had been enough to recharge her batteries for a while. She kept holding up her hand to admire the engagement ring now adorning her left ring finger. The lights from the few candles still burning reflected on the surface of the ring and she couldn't remember ever seeing jewelry look so beautiful. The ring was perfect.

She lay there in silence for some time, admiring her engagement ring, knowing there was no way she would be able to fall asleep anytime soon. Her heart was ready to burst with happiness and that alone made it impossible to sleep. In addition her mind was already dreaming about the future, about their wedding and their life together and their future children. She couldn't wait for it all to start.

* * *

><p>Ten months later she wore another ring on her left hand, one with a perfectly matched mate on Chuck's finger. She was in his arms, waltzing to music played by a live band, surrounded by all their closest friends and family as well as a few prominent guests. It wasn't the grand wedding she had imagined when she was little but she had had that wedding once before and felt no need to do it one more time. She had told Chuck this shortly after getting engaged. She wanted a marriage, not a wedding.<p>

"Everything is so perfect" she sighed contently and wished she could lean her head against his shoulder but it was impossible to do while waltzing.

"For me it would have been perfect no matter what" he said. "Okay, actually that's a lie. I don't think a cheap wedding would have suited us very well."

"It's the perfect mix" she said. "It's lavish yet not so big that it's impersonal. I always thought I wanted the biggest, most expensive wedding ever seen in Manhattan. You have a way of tweaking my childhood ideas of the perfect milestone events and making them different yet so much better."

"I gladly accept any gratitude you wish to send my way but you're actually the one tweaking your own plans" he commented. "You know I would have given you the biggest wedding this _country_ has ever seen if you wished it. It wouldn't have been my own preference but what matters most to me is that you're happy."

"I am" she said and gave him a light kiss. "What I really mean is that with you I find myself not needing everything to be as huge and overblown as I wanted it to be when I was younger. Like how I didn't _scream_ '_yes_' when you proposed to me. I think I just whispered it at first. I wasn't sure I could trust my voice."

"Actually you did scream '_yes_'" Chuck replied. "Though granted that was a little later that same evening and not in direct reply to my question."

She couldn't help but laugh a little and leaned in to give him another kiss. The dance was over just moments later and she found herself being whiskered away to dance with her father, her stepfathers, and what felt like every other male guest at the wedding. Not until later that evening did she get another chance to dance with her new husband. This time they weren't waltzing. Instead they enjoyed a slow, soft dance with their arms wrapped around each other.

"Was today everything you wanted?" Chuck asked, looking at her tenderly.

"Better than I ever dreamt it. What is everything _you_ wanted?"

He nodded and leaned closer to kiss her. He rested his forehead against hers for a second before pulling back to look at her.

"I'm glad to hear you're happy with the wedding. I wanted every part of it to live up to your expectations and desires."

"Today was everything I hoped for" she answered with a smile. "You gave me everything I needed. You gave me you."

"That doesn't count; you already had me."

"Not like this."

"And now you're stuck with me. Until death do us part."

"I do hope so. You know, you really had me fooled there for a while the day you proposed" she said. "I was really upset for a few hours; you made it sound like you didn't _want_ us to get married."

"I apologize" he smirked.

"No you don't. It was your plan all along."

"You'll never be able to completely take the schemer out of me" he chuckled. "I never expected you to actually fall for it though. I thought you knew beyond any doubt that I wanted to build my future with you. That you, that _us_, is far more important than work, even if work is the company my father built."

"A company that now finally has a Bass as the public figure again" Blair smiled.

"One day it will belong to our children and then to their children and to theirs…"

"My God, you have a dynasty in mind, don't you?"

"As long as you're willing."

* * *

><p>They resumed the conversation later that night in bed. Blair was slowly placing a trail of kisses down Chuck's jaw line while he tried to catch his breath. When she had gotten halfway to his chin she suddenly stopped and lifted herself up a little to look at him.<p>

"Did you mean what you said?"

"At the altar?" he teased.

"At the reception. When we were dancing. You were willing to raise my baby who died but we've never talked about whether or not we want to start a real family of our own."

"I suppose we haven't. I never saw it as a necessary conversation. We both want children, don't we?"

She smiled warmly at him.

"I would like that very much" she said. "Only question is when? We've only been married a few hours. We're both young. There's no actual _rush_."

"And yet…" he began, knowing she had another side to the argument as well.

"And yet… we're both completely sure that we're with the person we're going to want for the rest of our lives, we've already been through so much together, there doesn't seem to be any real reason for us to wait. I just picked up a new batch of birth control pills last week but we could just throw them out."

"Here's the thing…" Chuck said. "I don't like the idea of making the conception of our child a _project_. Not at this point. Part of me would love to start a family with you while another part of me selfishly wants to have you all to myself for a while before I share you with a baby. I propose that we keep up with birth control until you run out of pills and then we let nature and fate decide after that. If we get pregnant then that's great. If we don't then there's no rush. We can start actively trying for a baby when we feel like we definitely want it to happen. Until then I like the idea of it being a happy surprise."

"Once I'm off the pill it might take a few months before anything can happen" Blair mused. "I suppose your idea makes sense. So we just… keep on having sex and if a baby comes along then we welcome it with open arms?"

"Right" Chuck said. "If nothing has happened in twelve months' time we can reevaluate on our wedding anniversary."

"Mr. Bass I think we have an agreement" Blair said and leaned down to kiss him. "For tonight… it's just you and me. Let's make the most of it."

He grinned and kissed her hungrily, rolling them over to place him on top. When his hands travelled over her body she could feel the wedding band on his left ring finger and it brought a whole new sensation to his touch. She knew what he had meant just now. As much as she longed to have children with him there was a part of her who really enjoyed having him all to herself. No interruptions, just the two of them. From this point on they would never have to lose each other again.

* * *

><p><em>Blair looked down at her hands. Her right index finger was slowly pushing the engagement ring on her left hand back and forth. She loved the ring as much today as she had when Chuck first slid it on her finger all those years ago. She wore it often, though not always. She had had to have it resized in her old age as it seemed her fingers had shrunk and she was deathly afraid of the ring falling off her finger. Now she felt she needed the ring more than ever. It had been a promise from Chuck to her, a promise of a lifetime together. He had made good on that promise but he had only been able to promise her the rest of <em>his_ life. Hers would have to go on without him. It might not happen just yet but she didn't expect it to be much longer now._

"_Mrs. Bass?" Paquita, one of their live-in nurses, said, walking into the room._

"_What is it, Paquita?" Blair asked, looking up at her but letting her fingers keep playing with the ring._

"_It's time for Mr. Bass' antibiotics. I thought you might like to try and give them to him. He responds better to you."_

_Blair got up slowly, keeping in a heavy sigh. She wasn't sure the antibiotics had any effect at all and she wasn't even sure it was for the better if they did. Still she would continue to try and give them to him. He should at least have the tools to try and fight this infection if he wanted to. When it all came down to it she wasn't strong enough to just let him go, not yet. She wasn't ready to lose him._

* * *

><p>Before you yell at me for including neither the actual proposal nor any of the wedding planning – I have reasons! Maybe not the best reasons, but reasons all the same =) I chose not to write the proposal since I think many of us have our own ideas of what he should say in that moment and I felt it worked best if the reader got to "fill in the blanks". As for jumping to the wedding reception and barely including much of that, I've already done an entire fic covering a Chair engagement and I've pretty much emptied out all of my ideas on that topic. That, and the story would get way too long if I included the whole thing.<p>

So those were my reasons why. If you still feel you want to yell at me then go ahead, I guess =) Thank you for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

I'm very glad people enjoyed the first installment of this story! Guess I'm not the only one craving some Chair-happiness right about now… Though on that topic, I haven't seen the 100th (nor 512) so please don't give me spoilers in reviews =) I hope things went well for Chair but I don't want to know before I watch.

This chapter is arguably more fragmented than the previous and many updates will probably follow this format. Little glimpses here and there rather than an ongoing, flowing plot.

On with the update!

* * *

><p><em>Blair stepped inside their bedroom and stopped for a second. He was fast asleep and it was a shame to wake him but the nurses were adamant that he take his medication on a precise schedule. Seeing him asleep had grown to be one of her favorite occasions over the past couple of years since those were the moments she could pretend everything was normal. Lately though she didn't enjoy it as much. He looked haggard and not at all as peaceful as he had in his sleep before. This bout of the flu hadn't made it any better as every breath he took seemed strained and the sounds of it sometimes reminded her of coffee boiling in a percolator.<em>

_She walked over to the chair at his bedside and sat down. On the nightstand next to her was a tray with a small cup of pills and a mug of vanilla pudding enriched with extra calories and vitamins. She thought the puddings seemed completely gross and Chuck had never been a big fan of pudding to begin with but it was something sweet for him to eat and it could give him a bit of a boost so she let the nurses persist with them. She reached out and grabbed the cup of pills, looking at them with a displeased frown and waving to Paquita to come closer._

"_These need to be crushed before he can take them_" _she said, annoyed that she had to remind the staff._

"_Right away, Mrs. Bass."_

_While the nurse prepared the medicine Blair leaned in and gently shook Chuck's shoulder to wake him up._

"_Rise and shine, Bass…" she said._

_He frowned, grunted and didn't seem very keen on waking up._

"_Blair?" he mumbled, more asleep than awake._

"_It's me" she confirmed. "Time to wake up, darling. I've got something sweet for you."_

_His lips formed a smile._

"_Would that be you, wearing nothing at all?"_

_Blair blushed and hoped the nurse hadn't heard that comment. He could be surprisingly raunchy even in this altered state, probably because in his mind he was in his early twenties again and so was she. They had enjoyed an active sexlife for as long as he had had his health and even after he had gotten sick they had kept having sex when he was in his lucid states but she was well aware that most younger people seemed to find the idea of old people fornicating completely absurd and somewhat gross. Chuck making sexual comments to her when other people were in the room felt inappropriate now and to Blair it seemed like it added to his loss of dignity, which she couldn't come to terms with._

_He opened his eyes and looked at her with a confused frown. She gave him a smile._

"_Here you go" Paquita said and handed Blair the crushed medicine._

"_Thank you" Blair said and filled a spoon with vanilla pudding, sprinkling medicine on top. "Chuck, how about some pudding, huh?"_

"_Not a fan" he said, studying her with a frown._

"_Try and sit up. I don't want you choking on this."_

_Paquita managed to get him up to a somewhat sitting state without him protesting too much. Then she excused herself and left the room, knowing Blair was more relaxed in these situations if she could be alone with her husband._

"_Open up" Blair said, trying not to think of how she was feeding her husband the same way she had once fed her children._

"_I'll pass" Chuck said, eyeing her still with skepticism. "Where's Blair?"_

"_I'm right here" Blair said._

"_No, I mean Blair Waldorf. My girlfriend."_

"_I'm Blair Bass" Blair said, trying not to be impatient. "I'm your wife."_

"_Oh…"_

"_I thought you might like something to eat" she said. "Here."_

_He reluctantly opened his mouth and ate the pudding she offered. She prepared another spoonful with medicine on top and breathed a sigh of relief that he was being so cooperative today._

"_When you're finished with this…" he said between spoons. "Could you go get my girlfriend?"_

* * *

><p>"Okay, details please!" Serena exclaimed, clapping her hands together.<p>

"Where to start?" Blair said with a dreamy sigh. "He took me out on that yacht he once won at a poker game and I thought the plan was for us to spend the honeymoon cruising around wherever we felt like going, which seemed weird since it was early March, but it turned out he had actually gone and rented an island for us to-"

"Ew, no!" Serena cried, covering her ears with her hands. "Not honeymoon details! I'm talking about Chuck's upcoming birthday. What have you planned for the big day?"

"He's turning twenty-four" Blair said casually, whistling to Monkey who had taken a sidetrack to sniff at something. "I'm the one with the milestone birthday this year. Why would I have something huge planned for him?"

"Because a) you do that, b) in your world there's no such thing as a non-significant birthday and c) it's your first birthday as Mrs. Charles Bass and I'm betting you want to go all out the first time you plan a birthday party for him as his wife."

"I may have booked the ballroom at the Palace" Blair said and smiled mischievously. "There might be a multi-platinum selling singer providing the music for the occasion. And when last I glanced at the guest list it may have included a high profile name… or thirty."

"So when can I expect my invitation?" Serena asked, slurping diet coke through a straw.

"By the end of the week but please keep it to yourself. I'm not throwing a surprise party since those are so tacky and the guest of honor always figures it out anyway. All the same I'd like there to be little fuss made over it beforehand. He'll know there's a party but not the scale. Monkey! Come here, boy."

"Why do you have to keep him on a leash all the time?" Serena asked with a pout when the dog trotted up beside them. "Poor doggie. There's a whole park to run around in and he's confined to staying within twenty feet of you."

"He can roam free as much as he likes when we go out to the Hamptons" Blair said. "Or in the dog park. So should I expect you to bring a plus one to the party?"

"No" Serena said, shaking her head. "After the disaster that has been my love life this past year I'm going to go stag for a while. As stressful that it is to have Chuck Bass of all people settling down before I even find a boyfriend, I think I'm going to go easy on the dating thing for a while and just focus on me."

"Sounds like a drag" Blair said with a smirk. "Once you've experienced wedded bliss you cannot fathom how anyone would choose to be single."

"I hope that was a joking remark" Serena said. "You haven't even been married for a full month yet. Of course you think everything is roses and fluffy clouds in the land of matrimony, just wait till the honeymoon is over." She sighed. "Still, the knowledge that my creepy stepbrother managed to find true love and get married before I do is crushing to the soul."

"Who would have thought?" Blair said with a giggle. "God, if you had told me when we started high school that the year I turn twenty-five I would be sickeningly happily married to _Chuck_, fronting his company for a living and spending my afternoons taking his rather mangy-looking dog out for walks in the park I would have had a meltdown bigger than my mother had when my dad left her for Roman. Sometimes I wish I could just go… back in time and tell myself about my own future and see the look on my face. Then I'd tell Chuck and watch the look on _his_ face."

"Is this an actual fantasy you've had?" Serena asked with eyebrows raised. "Sounds unhealthy."

"Well, I wouldn't call it fantasy…" Blair said with a mischievous grin. "Although if I _could_ go back I could bring Chuck with me and then have two of him to play with. Talk about the world's greatest-"

"Please, please, please don't finish that sentence!" Serena yelped, covering her ears with her hands again and closing her eyes hard. "Gross, B! Really, really gross!"

Blair laughed and promised to be good. Serena gave her a skeptical look but took her hands down and adjusted the strap of her purse.

"Come on, let's take Monkey home" Blair said. "I want to get Chuck something nice for his birthday and I'm thinking a new watch from Cartier. I could use a second opinion on their selection."

"Only if you promise we'll go shopping for something fun afterward."

Blair nodded and took a left to head back to their apartment and drop off the dog. Chuck would be working late which gave her a great opportunity to continue planning his party. She was bursting with excitement, hoping it would be the best birthday he'd ever had.

* * *

><p>Blair stopped just inside their bedroom and looked at him. He was fast asleep, lying on his side with an empty space next to him where her body had been ten minutes earlier. She had woken up before him just like she had hoped and gotten up to feed the dog and to use the bathroom. She enjoyed watching her husband sleep, studying his relaxed features as he took one calm breath after the other. She could never get enough of looking at him, never stop marveling over how handsome he was to her and reveling in the overwhelming feeling that came over her whenever she saw him, thought of him, heard him or above all touched him.<p>

He would probably wake up any minute. It usually didn't take long for either one of them to wake up if the other one had gotten out of bed. They often slept close together and the loss of the other's body heat was usually enough to stir them from sleep. She didn't have much time if she wanted to actively wake him up.

She walked slowly across the room, feeling the softness of the cream colored carpet beneath her feet. In her hand she had a rectangular present, the only gift she would give him this morning. It was his twenty-fourth birthday and she had bought him a number of gifts but she planned on giving them to him later in the day. Giving him this one gift now had been an impulse decision.

She sat down on the bed and reached out her left hand, gently nudging him.

"Chuck…" she said softly. "Wake up, darling."

He grunted and opened his eyes, blinking in the soft light.

"Hey…" he mumbled.

"Good morning, sleepy head" Blair smiled warmly. "Or should I say, old man? Happy birthday, my love."

"It's that time of year again?" Chuck asked and lifted himself up on his elbow.

Blair smiled happily at him and moved a few strains of hair away from his forehead. She loved his dissolved just-woken-up look. It was only rarely that Chuck let anybody see him without his appearance in perfect order and the knowledge that seeing him with his hair a mess, wearing a white t-shirt and with still sleepy features was a privilege that was almost hers alone made her love it even more. She let her fingers continue to play with his hair for a bit and he chuckled at her tokens of affection.

"It's a day like any other, Blair" he said. "If you want to congratulate me how about taking off that nightie?"

"I have something else in mind" Blair said.

"But I'm the birthday boy, I get my way" he teased and tugged at her satin nightie.

"All good things to those who wait" Blair teased back.

"Well, if you insist on making a big deal out of today then I can comply" he shrugged, looking over at the alarm clock to see what time it was. "Though really, you know that I would be perfectly happy not making such a fuss and just having dinner with you. In fact, if I didn't have that meeting with the union rep at nine I would suggest we both cancel our days and spend all day in bed."

"Since we don't have that as an option I had a more traditional celebration in mind" Blair said. "I got you something."

"You didn't have to."

"I don't think I understand the words that just came out of your mouth." She looked down at the present in her right hand. "This isn't all you're getting for your birthday. You'll be getting everything else this evening but I didn't feel like I could wait giving this to you."

She handed him the present and he took it, studying it carefully as he rolled over on his back to be able to use both hands. He took a minute to admire the way she had wrapped it and to study the shape and size.

"It's definitely a box of some sort" he said.

"It is."

"Judging by the shape and size… New watch?"

"Go ahead and open and find out."

"No points for guessing correctly?"

"Not until you've opened it."

He smirked at her and then dutifully began to open the present. Once he had gotten the wrapping paper off he rolled back over on his side, supporting his upper body on his elbow, and ran his fingers over the black box in his hands.

"Come on" Blair urged, smiling impatiently. "Open it up."

"Relax" he chuckled.

He opened the box to take a look at the watch she had bought him but was surprised to find that she hadn't gotten him a watch. He stared with his mouth slightly ajar at what was inside and then carefully grabbed it between his thumb and his middle finger. Without saying a word he lifted up a positive pregnancy test from the box.

"Bet you weren't expecting that" Blair said, unable to contain her excitement any longer. "Happy birthday, Chuck. Expected delivery in late January or early February, I should say. If all goes well."

He looked at her with wide eyes.

"This is for real?"

"Yes of course it's for real" she laughed. "I took that test just now. I was going to give you just the kit I'd bought and then take the test and wait for the results together with you but… I figured if I was wrong then that would be a disappointment and it would be so much better to be able to give you _this_."

He sat up more straight and studied the test carefully. It seemed like the most wonderful thing he had ever seen yet at the same time he wasn't sure he really believed it yet.

"You just went off the pill like a month ago."

"I know" Blair said. "Guess fate really wanted us to have that baby. Or it was simply a matter of odds. That much unprotected sex is bound to lead to _something_."

Carefully he put the test back down in the box and set it down on the nightstand. Then he pulled Blair close and kissed her hard.

"You have got to be kidding me" he said. "I thought we would have to wait months before even standing a decent shot at conceiving."

"People get pregnant while they're still _on_ the pill" Blair pointed out. She looked at him and felt a touch nervous. "Are you happy? I know we said we didn't want to start a family right this minute-"

"I couldn't be happier" he assured her and gave her another kiss. "How do you feel? Are you nauseous? Can I get you anything?"

She laughed and wrapped her arms around him.

"I'm feeling fine."

"That's the most important thing. I'm thrilled but I want you to be feeling good."

"I feel perfect."

They kissed again and Chuck maneuvered them so that they were lying down with him on top. He tugged at her nightie and after a bit of pulling and lifting he had gotten it off. She reached up and grabbed his t-shirt, eager to get all clothes off him as quick as possible too. Their lips met again and she sighed happily when they parted.

"I'm not usually much for birthdays…" he mumbled against her neck. "Not my own at least. This is without contest the best birthday gift anyone has ever gotten me. I should give you a proper 'thank you'."

* * *

><p>"I can't find anything in this damn mess" Chuck growled, searching through heaps of documents on his desk. "Why the hell did my secretary have to go on an early summer holiday?"<p>

"It's going to get even worse" Blair reminded him. She was sitting in a lotus position on the thick rug beneath the couch in his office with a bunch of binders in front of her. "Think of this as the calm before the storm."

"Please, don't remind me. It's bad enough we have to do complete financial statements once a year. The six-month statements are merely designed to be a huge pain in the ass. Do you have any idea where the statement of retained earnings went?"

"It's not due until next month."

"No, I mean the one from January."

"It should be somewhere on your shelves."

He got up with a huff and walked over to the bookcase where he kept most of the collected documents from the past eighteen month period. While he began to search for the documents he needed Blair eyed through 2014s financial statement for the Empire.

"This place hasn't had a decent turnover since 2013" she commented.

"In other words we've had one non-decent year" Chuck said, finding the proper binder.

"One too many."

"First rule of business, my love. You can't win all the time."

"First rule of being a Bass, my love" Blair replied. "We win all the time."

He turned to look at her and smiled.

"So you're lecturing me on how to be a Bass now?"

"Just a gentle reminder, dear. Seriously though, look at this!"

"I have looked at it. Very closely. In January. The results were analyzed and we're working to do better. Let's move on."

"The Empire is practically the flagship of your reign as CEO" Blair said. "It needs to be at…" She paused and gagged, hiding her mouth behind the back of her hand.

"You okay?" Chuck asked with a worried look.

"Yeah" Blair said after a few seconds. "God I hate this part. How long does it have to last? Last time around it was only a couple of weeks. Now it's been at least five."

"Five?" Chuck echoed, eyeing through the papers in his hand to find the one he was interested in. "You're seven weeks along."

"First two went by much more smoothly" Blair said. "Oh God… I can't wait until I reach that blissful stage where the nausea is gone and I haven't yet gotten unfashionably big."

"Is it true what they say about pregnant women hitting a horny stage?" Chuck asked, smirking at her.

"I don't know, I never got that far last time."

"Are you sure you're okay talking about it?" he asked tentatively.

"I can't pretend it never happened" Blair said. "I don't want to pretend like it never happened. This time things are going to end differently."

"It will" Chuck agreed.

"I can't wait to tell everyone" Blair said with a smile and glanced down at her belly.

"We can tell them tonight if you wish" Chuck said.

"No. Not for another five weeks. Telling people before the end of the first trimester is bad luck."

"It's not bad luck" Chuck argued.

"Besides, part of me likes that we have our own little secret, just you, me and the baby" Blair said.

"You, me and the person who's going to be running around here in little Armani diapers, charming the entire staff and providing us with pictures to put up on our walls" Chuck smiled, walking over to her and kneeling down on the floor in front of her.

"A cute little boy we can dress in Italian suits and put little bowties on" Blair said, her fingers playing with his lapels.

"Or a cute little girl we can dress in fine baby couture and put matching headbands on" Chuck replied.

"Mmm, I like it either way."

He grinned and kissed her gently.

"How's your stomach?"

"All better" she said and pulled him close for another kiss.

With a yelp she fell backward, pulling Chuck with her, laughing as she heard binders and papers flying everywhere.

"We're creating a mess" she giggled, wrapping one leg around his waist.

"I like a mess" he grinned back at her.

They kissed again and she began to tug at his jacket while he worked on her blouse. Before she had gotten very far the door opened and the twenty-two year old college student working extra for the summer as Chuck's secretary came walking in.

"Mr. Bass, you have a…"

He stopped in his tracks and turned bright red when he saw his two bosses in a tangle on the floor amidst a heap of binders and important documents. Chuck raised an eyebrow at him and he slowly took a few steps back.

"I, I'm sorry Mr. Bass…" he stuttered. "Mrs. Bass… I, uh, I'll come back later." Somehow his face managed to turn even redder when he caught sight of Blair's bra, exposed where Chuck had gotten a few buttons undone on her blouse. "Very sorry" he stuttered. "Didn't mean to see…"

"Get used to it" Chuck said, wondering how a college student could be so embarrassed by a little foreplay. He turned his focus back to Blair the second the door closed and they were alone. "I suppose we taught him the value of knocking."

* * *

><p>"I swear on the black stone I shall kill them all!" Blair barked, storming into Chuck's office with a newspaper in her hand.<p>

"What?" Chuck said, looking up from his work.

"Did you see this?" she asked, waving the paper and slamming the door shut.

"I think the more pressing issue here is how much '_Rome_' you've been watching lately."

With an angry huff Blair tossed her purse aside and marched up to Chuck's desk where she slammed the paper down.

"Look! I will have their heads on a _plate_!"

"A serving dish is more fashionable" Chuck replied, lifting the paper up to read the page that had gotten her so upset. He only got three sentences in before she yanked it back and began to pace back and forth.

"These so called _journalists_ are saying we only got married because you got me pregnant!" she exclaimed.

"Their math teachers must be so embarrassed" Chuck said with a laugh and an entertained smirk.

Blair stopped pacing and looked at him.

"This is not funny! This is insulting and annoying!"

"Blair" Chuck said. "Nobody is going to believe that article. We planned our wedding for ten months and were fairly open about it. You weren't even pregnant when we got married. This child was conceived within wedlock."

"I know that!"

"Then what are you so angry about?"

"Don't these people have better things to do than discredit the love and commitment of honest people?"

"Honest people? You and I? Take a seat, relax. This isn't good for your blood pressure."

"Screw my blood pressure!" Blair snarled.

Chuck got up and walked over to her, placing his hands on her upper arms.

"Tabloid journalists are always going to write a bunch of crap" he said in a soothing tone. "It's part of the deal. As the years go by we will become less and less interesting to them and they'll stop printing these things about us."

"Great, so we'll be irrelevant."

"Let me have that paper" he said and took it from her. "I'll have Cindy burn it or run it through the shredder."

"Have her do both" Blair said with a pout. "She can burn this one, then go out and buy another copy to run through the shredder."

"Okay."

He lead her over to the couch and sat down with her, keeping an arm wrapped around her. This was the first hormonal outburst he had seen from her but he expected more to follow. She still had half her pregnancy to go.

"Let's talk about something more uplifting" he said. "I think I'm going to take the whole afternoon off on Friday. After the ultrasound we can go out and buy things for the baby. Take him or her on their first shopping spree with Mom and Dad."

"Sounds lovely" Blair smiled.

"Good."

Thus far they hadn't bought anything for their baby. Blair had been afraid to jinx it if they went out and got lots of things too soon so they had agreed to wait until the ultrasound. It had been just over a week since they had made the news official to friends and family and today the media had apparently gotten wind.

"I must say…" Chuck said, eyeing the paper still in his hand. "It amazes me that they care so much."

"What surprises me is how giddy they are to see us fail" Blair sighed.

"Jealousy" Chuck said. "Who can blame them?"

"This town needs new celebrities."

"So how are you feeling?"

"You don't have to ask me that three times a day" Blair said with a little smile, sinking back against the comfortable cushions. "I'm just fine. Once the nausea ceased I've been feeling wonderful."

"You look wonderful."

"Feast your eyes. I'm starting to show and it won't be long before I look like a hideous, beached whale."

"I can't wait, actually" Chuck said, scooting further back on the couch. He tossed the paper on the floor and pulled up her blouse to place a hand on her belly. "Seeing you visibly pregnant with our child is something I've been looking forward to for a long time."

"I don't know that being _pregnant_ is something I've looked forward to" Blair said. "I can't wait for the pregnancy to be over and to have that little baby in my arms."

"My competition for your time and affection."

"_My_ competition for _your_ time and affection" Blair replied with a chuckle.

"He or she will be here before we know it" Chuck said, stroking her belly. "Until then you're all mine." He kissed her cheek, then got up and walked back to his desk. "By the way, now that everybody knows we're in the family way I'll have Cindy schedule… all those prenatal checkups of yours."

"Don't forget Lamaze" Blair said, adjusting her blouse.

"Lamaze?"

"Yeah. We need to start planning the delivery in good time. I've already thought a lot about it. I don't want any monks or shamans or anything weird like that."

"I wasn't aware those were all the rage in birthing."

"I like the idea of candles and soothing music and… oh, and bringing our own sheets! My baby is not going to be born on anything less than Egyptian cotton."

"I'm confused" Chuck said, leaning against his desk with his arms crossed over his chest. "I thought you were going to go with an epidural and just sit back and wait. Maybe you should save whatever episodes of '_Rome_' you have left. Or we could have an Audrey marathon."

"Drugs might harm the baby!" Blair protested.

"Don't be ridiculous."

"I intend on having a natural birth."

"Why on earth would you want to do that?" Chuck questioned. "You have the complete arsenal of modern medicine available to you."

"Farmer's wives and other assorted peasants have been birthing naturally since forever" Blair snorted. "How hard can it be?"

"Pretty hard, I should say."

"What are you so worried about, you're not the one who has to do it." She got up and held her head high. "I am a queen and I can bear my children without the help of drugs."

"Much like your average peasant."

"I am strong and enduring and I will do just fine. Anne Boleyn did not need any medical help when she gave birth to Queen Elizabeth, now did she?"

Chuck rolled his eyes but refrained from comment. He didn't put much weight to what she was saying at the moment. Just three days ago she had rattled off a list of every method of birth pain reduction known to man and vowed to find which one was the most efficient. He would let her weigh all her options without his input unless he was asked about it, having a strong feeling that the thought of giving birth scared her and that this was her way of trying to control that fear. Either way it was her decision in the end. He would be more comfortable if she was as pain-free as possible but if she wanted to have a natural birth he would hold her hand through the whole thing just the same.

"I have to go" she said and walked towards the door. "Don't forget, ultrasound on Friday at eleven. Don't be late."

"Your office is just down the hall, I'm sure you'll remind me if need be" he chuckled. "And don't worry about what the media says. You and I know this is for real and I couldn't give a damn what anybody else thinks."

"All the same I think we need to buy a magazine and have them print more factual stories that contradict the lies."

"Those articles will surely be seen as reliable and objective" he replied with a smirk.

"I'm running late for a meeting." She stopped at the door and blew him a kiss. "Oh, and I crave spinach today. Make sure it's included in whatever we have for dinner, okay my sweet?"

"I will call the chef and have it arranged."

"Love you" Blair said with a smile and left.

* * *

><p>That Friday they went to see Blair's obstetrician for a checkup and to have an ultrasound. Blair recoiled a bit when the cold jelly was squirted on her stomach and decided she didn't like the feel of the wand pressing against her like that. Was it really wise to press that hard? There was a delicate little person in there.<p>

"Now let's turn this thing on…" the doctor said and pressed a button to start up the screen. "It's going to make a whole bunch of noise… and we'll see if we can find your baby's heartbeat there somewhere."

"What, there's a risk of not finding one?" Chuck asked.

"We'll find it" the doctor smiled.

Chuck didn't look reassured but kept from commenting. He took Blair's hand with both of his and looked at the screen. It was all a bunch of nothing to him, a little blob that could be their child or could be some internal organ for all he knew.

"There we go…" the doctor said, moving the wand a bit. "You see this here?" she asked, pointing to the screen. "There's your baby's head. And a healthy, steady heartbeat."

"That is amazing" Blair said breathlessly.

"Your baby is fifteen weeks old and is moving about quite a lot as you can see."

"Can you feel it?" Chuck asked Blair.

"No, not yet."

"You will, very soon" the doctor smiled. "Would you like to know the sex of your baby?"

Chuck and Blair both tore their eyes from the screen for a second to look at each other. Blair's smile widened a bit.

"We'd love to know" Blair said.

"Let's have a look."

Chuck glanced over at Blair, marveling at how excited they both were to find out even though they weren't hoping for any gender above the other.

"Right here" the doctor said and pointed. "It's a boy."

"Oh my God" Blair said, almost moved to tears.

"We're having a boy" Chuck said to her with a beaming smile.

She reached up her hand and wrapped it around his neck, pulling him closer for a kiss. In her mind she was already planning how they would design the nursery and what sort of themes they could go with for their little son's blankets and teddies and bowls.

"He looks perfectly healthy" the doctor summed up her examination and removed the wand from Blair's stomach.

"Thank you" Chuck said to the doctor. "Thank you very much."

"I will get you a print-out of the sonogram."

"I can't believe it's a boy!" Blair said, carefully wiping her tummy with the paper towels handed to her. "By the way we're _not_ calling him Bartholomew for a middle-name."

Chuck laughed a little and helped her get down on the floor. She went behind a curtain to get dressed while the doctor spoke to Chuck for a moment. When Blair heard the doctor leave the room she walked back out, buttoning her silk blouse.

"I'm thinking a naval theme" she said. "For the nursery."

"I'm thinking racecars" Chuck replied.

Blair gave him a look.

"We'll talk."

She finished getting dressed and they left the hospital to go on their shopping spree. They had only gotten a block away from the hospital before Blair grabbed Chuck's arm with both her hands and jumped up and down like an excited five year-old.

"We're having a boy! Chuck can we please go buy lots of teeny, tiny bowties?"

"Easy there, skippy" Chuck said with a laugh. "Yes of course we can. Is this really my wife, jumping up and down this way?"

"I'm just so _excited_!" Blair grinned and kept a firm grip on his arm as they walked around a corner. "I think I was hoping for a boy a bit more than I was hoping it would be a girl."

"You're not sorry you won't get to dress our baby in pretty dresses and style her hair when she gets older and do the whole mother-daughter spa-treatment bonding thing a dozen or so years down the line?"

"Yeah a little" Blair said with the same grin on her face. "Still, a boy! A little you! Can you imagine how cute that will be?"

"He's only cute for a few years" Chuck pointed out with a smirk. "How cute do you think I was when I came home drunk the first time, or when I slept with Georgina Sparks at the age of- Ow! Why are you hitting me for?"

"I don't want to be reminded if your lewd former conquests" Blair said.

"I'm just saying, I'm glad we're having a boy but don't think he won't be a handful."

"Well maybe he'll take after me more than you."

"That's what I said. A complete handful. Ow, stop hitting me!"

"I do like the idea of a nautical theme…" Blair said with a dreaming expression, changing lanes at lightning speed. "Yet… blue seems so unimaginative for a boy."

"How about purple?"

"No. Too unisex. It's part blue, part pink. It's the color I want for my nursery if I ever have fraternal twins with one child of each gender."

"You've planned on this happening? Should my sperm start having performance anxiety?"

"I won't rule anything out. Come on though, be serious now. Is blue too unoriginal?"

"Perhaps. Then again so is yellow, and green seems to be the new blue for boys…"

"Ugh, this is such a hard decision" Blair groaned. "Whatever theme we settle on will be what surrounds our baby boy for the first few years of his life!"

"Or we can redecorate every four to five months."

"I want it perfect from the start."

"I said racecar theme and I'm sticking to it" Chuck said. "You can match any color with that theme, though traditionally I think the cars tend to be red or black. At least the ones on kids' stuff."

"We'll talk."

* * *

><p>"Chuck!" Blair gasped, gripping his arm way too tight. "I can't do this!"<p>

"You don't have much choice" Chuck replied.

She begun to say something in reply but it turned into a wordless scream of pain. He didn't know what to do to help her except wrap an arm around her shoulders and let her know he was there. She was five hours into to her labor and the cocky attitude she had started out with had long since disappeared.

When the pain began to fade she gripped his shoulder and leaned against him, letting out a couple of sobs. Outside the window they had a view of a beautiful, if icily cold, January day but neither the view nor the candles nor the music seemed to do anything to soothe her. She had opted for a natural birth and was now regretting it but had thus far been too stubborn to admit defeat even though Chuck had tried to tell her several times that it was okay to take the pain relief available. He couldn't comprehend why she was so adamant to do this the agonizing way but he had no other choice than to support her decision and try to be there for her.

Her sobs ceased after a few seconds and she let go of him, sinking back against the fluffy pillow.

"Do you know that the average length of a birth for a first time mother is nineteen hours?" she said.

"Where did you hear that?"

"I read it online. Nineteen hours, Chuck! I've been at this for five and it feels like a hundred and fifty."

"Nineteen hours is the average" Chuck pointed out. "You, my love, are never average."

"With our luck it will probably _be_ a hundred and fifty hours before this stubborn child decides to enter the world."

"He likes it in there" Chuck shrugged. "So would I. It's warm, it's safe, it's always with you. Do you want me to go and get the nurse?"

"No, I'm fine" Blair said stubbornly. "I just really, really hate all this. Who was the idiot who decided childbirth had to be so damn painful?"

"It will be worth it" Chuck assured her, gently wiping sweat from her bow with a napkin. "Tomorrow you will be holding our son in your arms."

"I know" Blair said. "That's all I think about during the contractions. Baby, baby, baby. Son, son, son. To tell you the truth though I'm already a little pissed off at him for causing me so much discomfort."

Chuck laughed a little and lifted her hand to give it a kiss.

"You're doing real good" he said. "I'm a very proud husband."

Blair closed her eyes to get a few more minutes of rest before the next contraction. She didn't think she would be able to handle them getting much worse than they were now, and she knew she had most of her birth ahead of her. When they had last examined her twenty minutes ago she had been only at three centimeters. If that was the rate they were going at this would take almost seventeen hours at the least. She remembered her mother telling her that she had been in labor for twenty-three hours. It was not an encouraging thought.

Her next contraction seemed to be even worse than the previous and when the pain faded she opened her eyes and reached for whatever she could grab on the nightstand, which turned out to be a radio. She grabbed it and flung it across the room in a fit of rage. Chuck jumped back slightly, looking at her with eyebrows raised.

"Easy, tiger."

"I hate this!" Blair snarled. "This is the stupidest thing nature ever came up with. Let's get one thing straight here, I am Blair Bass and _I_ am in charge over my own damn body and I will _not_ put up with this any longer!"

"I'll call for the nurse, have her send in an anesthesiologist."

"Don't you dare, Charles Bass!" Blair barked. "If childbirth thinks it can win over me then it has another thing coming!"

Her sudden anger surprised him a little but he didn't mind it. He loved seeing the fighter in her and this process was easier for him to handle if she was angry than if she was broken down, sad or afraid. She fell into a pattern where she came out of each contraction being furious, mellowing after a few minutes and being calm and collected for a minute or two before the next contraction. After thirty minutes of that she finally seemed to reach her limit and yelled at him to get the nurse in there already.

"Give me something!" she barked at the nurse the second she walked through the door. "Anything. So long as it doesn't involve needles and my spine."

The nurse stayed behind only long enough to offer a few different kinds of pain management and hearing which one Blair wanted, then she left to go get the doctor. Blair groaned and closed her eyes for a second, rolling her head back towards Chuck. She opened her eyes and looked at him with defiance.

"Not one word to anyone about this."

"You haven't failed" Chuck insisted. "If anybody does ask I'll tell them you got it for my sake, to spare me the sight of you in pain."

"That almost sounded noble, Bass" Blair said and laughed a little. "Do you think babies have thoughts? When they're this little? If they do I wonder what our son is thinking right about now…"

"Hopefully that there's not enough space where he is now and he can't wait to get out" Chuck said. "What a shock he's in for. Being thrown out here where it's cold and bright and he has to breathe and eat on his own…"

"At least he'll see your face when he arrives" Blair said with a little smile. "I want you up here with me when that moment comes but as soon as he's out I hope you'll be the first person close enough for him to get a good look."

"That honor should belong to you" Chuck said. "You're the one he's going to be looking for anyway."

She smiled and reached for his hand. She then sighed and looked down at her large belly.

"I'm sorry if I'm being a pain in the ass" she said.

"You're not. I mean it when I say I'm proud of you."

"I'm so glad you're here."

"Where else would I be?"

"I keep thinking of how men weren't supposed to be there for the births back in the day" she mused. "I can't imagine going through this without you here."

"To be fair there's nothing I can actually do for you."

"Yes there is. You're here. That's all that matters. You're my baby's father. You're the person who knows me best, the person I can say and do anything in front of, the one who can comfort me and give me strength just by being near."

He smiled and leaned in to give her a kiss but changed his mind when the look on her face told him she was getting another contraction.

"Where the hell is that nurse?" she growled, mood back to angry. "And turn off that damn music! It's driving me _insane_."

* * *

><p>"Here he is!" the obstetrician declared proudly and held up the five second old baby for the parents to see.<p>

"Let me see" Blair gasped, trying to sit up straight. "Let me see him!"

The baby was tiny, red, wrinkly and covered in various things neither Blair nor Chuck longed to have identified. The sound of his cries was music to both their ears and Blair felt herself relax completely for the first time in twelve hours.

"A beautiful, healthy baby boy" the doctor said.

Before they could react or respond the baby was swiftly wrapped up in a blanket and nurses huddled all around him to coo and comment and get ready to have the cord cut. Blair tried her best to get a glimpse of her baby but when all she could see was nurses she turned to Chuck who looked like he had been frozen in place. She said his name and he snapped back and looked at her with wide eyes.

"Are you okay?" he asked her.

"Who cares?" Blair said. "Go to him. Go!"

He kissed her brow and then got up and hurried over to get a closer look at the newborn. The doctor and the nurses babbled around him but he didn't hear a word they said. He couldn't quite believe that this little thing was his and Blair's son.

"Do you want to cut the cord, Daddy?" one of the nurses asked.

Wordlessly Chuck took the scissors offered to him and followed instructions. Once the cord was cut the baby was taken to be cleaned up, measured and weighed. Chuck heard Blair groan and turned to look at her with worried eyes.

"I'm okay" she said. "Just getting the last leg of this race over with. Stop looking at me and stay with him!"

He realized he was probably in the nurses' way while they prepared the baby but he didn't care. It seemed to take forever before the infant was wrapped in the cashmere blanket they had brought for him but still he wasn't fully prepared for when the nurse handed the baby to him. Petrified of holding his baby wrong or dropping him Chuck took the newborn and cradled him awkwardly. Finally he got a good, close look at the latest addition to the family and he had to admit it wasn't the most beautiful sight he had ever seen. Aside from being wrinkly and red the baby's features made him look quite odd. The nurses didn't seem to notice or care and one of them beamed up at him with a kind of pride that would make you think she had been the one who had given birth.

"There we are, Daddy" she said. "Isn't he the most beautiful thing you ever saw?"

"No" Chuck answered truthfully. "But he's ours."

He tore his eyes reluctantly away from his son and looked at his wife. She looked spent but happy. The doctor was saying something to her which he couldn't quite make out. It occurred to him that the room was awfully crowded and he wanted a moment alone with Blair and the baby. He looked at the beaming nurse who was cooing the baby.

"How long before we can get some privacy?" he asked bluntly.

"Someone has to come and suture your wife" came the answer. "The doctor would also like to examine her to make sure everything's okay. Though we can give you a bit of privacy, for the moment."

"Chuck?" Blair said from her bed. "Is he okay?"

"He's fine" Chuck said, looking at his son with a smile while the hospital staff began to clear out. He walked slowly towards the bed. "Baby boy Bass, there's somebody I'd like you to meet. She's only the most incredible woman I've ever known and I don't think I have to tell you how amazing she has been today. You might just be the only person in the world who could love her as much as I do."

"Please be sentimental after you've handed him to me" Blair pleaded, dying to get a good, close look.

"Mama…" Chuck said. "Meet our son."

Gently he handed the baby over to her, relieved to no longer have the responsibility and at the same time very reluctant to let him out of his own arms. Blair's reaction to getting to hold and see her son made up for that last feeling and when she leaned in to kiss the baby and sniff him Chuck fully understood why people willingly got pregnant again after having gone through the ordeal of childbirth.

"Hi little prince…" Blair said. "Look at you… Look at your cute little face… Are you glad to be with Mama? I missed you. I'm not letting you go now, no I'm not. You're not crying anymore, are you? The only one crying is your father."

To his surprise Chuck realized she was right, his cheeks were wet. He hadn't even noticed. He wiped his cheeks with the back of his hand and as gently as he could got up in the bed with her. There wasn't enough room for him to lie comfortably but he wrapped one arm around Blair's shoulders and pulled her head closer to kiss it, deciding it was worth the discomfort to be with his wife and child right now.

"Sorry about all the things I said about wanting to die and thinking I was going to die" Blair said, looking a touch ashamed. During labor she had completely forgotten about his history with death by childbirth.

"I don't want you to apologise for anything you said or did."

"You're the wrong person to be saying things like that to."

"It's okay. I'm just happy that you're feeling well now. You and the little guy both."

"He's a bit weird looking" Blair said with a loving smile that didn't quite seem to match her words. "He's going to be so handsome when he grows up though. His features are just too perfect to fit well on such a tiny little face." She looked up at the nurse who had stayed in the room. "Can I try feeding him?"

"You might not have any milk just yet" the nurse answered. "But go ahead and try."

Fumbling slightly she tried to hold the baby with one arm and pull aside her gown with the other. Chuck reached out and helped her hold the little one who was sniffing and seemed to be searching for something to latch on to.

"Is he hungry, do you think?" Blair asked the nurse.

"Try and see."

It took two attempts for the baby to understand what he was supposed to do. Blair cringed a little when he first latched on but decided she liked it. Being able to finally nurse hers and Chuck's son filled her with happiness and a sense of fulfillment.

"I can't believe he's finally here."

"I have a real family" Chuck said with a mixture of disbelief and wonderment. "This little guy is going to have everything I wanted when I was growing up. A mother. A father who loves him and isn't afraid to show it."

"He already has everything a child needs and could ask for" Blair smiled. "Except a name."

They had discussed baby names from the day they had known they were having a boy but never been able to agree on anything. Chuck had been partial to Henry but Blair didn't like it. She had favored Robert but Chuck thought it was too common. In the end nothing had been decided but now they had to agree on something. They couldn't go around calling him Baby Boy Bass for all eternity, nor could they stick with Little Bassman which had been Chuck's nickname for the baby during the latter half of the pregnancy.

Blair gently caressed her baby's cheek and tried out a few different names they had discussed, not feeling any of them to be right for her son.

"He's not a Simon... Not a James... What do you think, Dad?" she asked.

"I think…" Chuck began but quieted when another nurse came into the room with two champagne flutes on a tray.

"I thought you might like to toast" the woman chirped.

Chuck sniggered. He had been the one who brought the champagne to the hospital. Blair's favorite vintage. He helped hold the baby steady while Blair covered herself up again and then he took both flutes and clinked them together. Carefully he held one out to Blair and helped her take a sip.

"Thanks" she said.

"Thank you" he said to her. "You had already given me everything I could have asked for and more. Now you've given me a son. I love you, you know that?"

"I love you more" she claimed. "The two of you are my favorite boys. I hope he will be like you. I hope he'll be everything I love about you."

"What do you think of Victor? That's a nice name. Reminds me of Victrola where all of this really began."

"I don't know…" Blair said. "Now that he's here I want him to have a name that's really special. A name that when you hear it you think of strength and courage and charisma… Something... regal without necessarily being royal."

"By those criteria I nominate Julius Caesar" Chuck said with a laugh.

"Julius…" Blair echoed.

"Blair. I was joking."

"But I like it."

"I don't. It's a little too… 1st century BC. Find a more modern tweak, perhaps."

"I like it" Blair said with a smile. "What do you think, baby boy?"

The baby squinted up at her and yawned, making both parents smile.

"I think you're right, son" Chuck said. "We should all sleep on it. It's late."

"Is it still Tuesday?" Blair asked, realizing she wasn't sure when her son had been born.

"It is. Tuesday January 23rd. Welcome to the world, little baby Bass."

* * *

><p><em>Blair sighed with relief when the last of the medicine went into Chuck's mouth<em>. _He was unusually cooperative right now and she wondered if perhaps they should try and get him to eat some food while they were at it. He couldn't live on just pudding, no matter what they spiced it up with._

_She saw him frown and lean forward a bit, squinting to see something better. She turned around but all she could see was the photographs they had up on the wall. Their wedding picture and old pictures of their children. Chuck eyed them with confusion._

"_When…" he began. "When did… Is that a _wedding_ picture of us?"_

"_Chuck we've been married for over fifty years."_

"_Of course" he said, clearly backtracking. "I'm just wondering whose bright idea it was to put that picture there and not someplace more fitting! Who hides their wedding photo away in the bedroom?"_

"_Careful" Blair said, hoping he wouldn't get agitated. "You'll set off a cough attack."_

"_I'm fine." He leaned back against the pillows and looked thoughtful. "Where is Julian? Is he home? __Tell him to get in here. I want to talk to him. He hasn't done his homework_ once _this week._"

"_Chuck he doesn't have any homework__."_

"_Where are we?" he asked, looking around._

"_The Hamptons."_

"_Ah… It's summer, then?"_

"_It's March. A week past our anniversary."_

"_Then why are we in the Hamptons? We have work to do in the city. Bass Industries does not run itself."_

_She didn't argue. There was no point. They had had variations of this conversation more times than she could count. Sometimes he knew where he was but not when in time. Other times he knew roughly what year it was but wasn't sure what the location was. In the past year he had jumped so fast back and forth between being in the present and in the past that it was impossible to try and keep track._

"_Do you want anything to eat, my love?" she asked, trying to distract him from the conversation. "Something nice and warm? I could make that fish soup you like."_

"_No, thank you" Chuck said. "I'd rather you just… stayed here. I don't like it when you go."_

"_I never go far" she assured him with a smile that didn't reach her eyes. "I'm always nearby. You know that."_

_She got up and walked around the bed to the side where she slept. She got up on it and moved over to lie with him. He wrapped an arm around her and she nuzzled against him, reveling in this rare moment when he seemed lucid._

"_I'm sorry you're chained to me this way" he said, his voice getting hoarse._

"_I'm not" Blair said. "There's nowhere in the world I'd rather be."_

"_It's not nice to lie. Good thing I love you even when you're not nice."_

"_I'm always nice to _you_" she smirked and gave him a kiss._

_He pulled her a little closer and began to drift off to sleep again. Blair was feeling cold but was hesitant to sit up and grab the quilt at the foot of the bed. If she did he might drift back to thinking he was twenty and not appreciating having a woman in her seventies snuggling up to him. She stayed where she was, shivering slightly from the cold and from hearing her husband's labored breaths._

* * *

><p>I hope it didn't get too fluffy. Reviews are love =)<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

This chapter takes place over just a few weeks unlike the previous two. Still fragmented, hopefully enjoyable, and let me know what you think of it =)

* * *

><p><em>The book she was reading didn't seem the least bit interesting<em>. _Blair put it aside without bothering with a bookmark. She didn't have the faintest clue what she had been reading and it didn't matter much anyway. She was bored. Chuck had gone to sleep already and with any luck he would sleep undisturbed through the night. His breathing had been so labored during the late afternoon that she had begun to fear that he wouldn't make it through the night but a visit from Dr. Winslow had eased her mind. The doctor had given him an injection and it seemed to do the trick. But he had been very clear with Blair on his way out. If no changes occurred within the next few days there was only one outcome to this. He encouraged her to send her husband to the hospital but she sternly refused._

_The sound of a ringing phone brought her out of her thoughts. She answered the phone and her son's voice on the other end felt both reassuring and exhausting. He wanted to know how his father was doing and she had nothing uplifting to report._

"_It's sink or swim now" she said. "If nothing improves in the next few days you should all come out here and… and…"_

"_Mother, you know what, either just let him pass on already or send him to a hospital" her son sighed on the other end. "This is just painful for everyone involved. I want him to live as much as anyone but he's not going to live forever and I think we're just putting him through more misery than we need."_

"_You know how I feel" Blair said sternly. "He is not going to the hospital. If he's going to die he is going to do so at home."_

"_In your bed? Can you sleep in there after that? Mother I'm only looking out for you, and for him."_

"_I know you are, dear" Blair said. "But I know what is best for Chuck. I don't care if both my children disagree with me on this, my word is final."_

"_Think of the kind of care he could get at the hospital. He doesn't have to die, not yet. You have to decide Mother, one way or the other. Either you want him to go on living, in which case you need to do everything in your power to make that happen. Or you want to let him go, in which case you should stop with all treatments that aren't palliative."_

"_Thank you for calling" Blair said, not in the mood to continue on with the conversation. "I will keep you updated."_

"_Mother…"_

_She hung up and huffed. She would be damned if she let her children tell her how to take care of her husband. She knew him better than they did. She was the one who stood to lose her life's companion. It would be sad for them to lose their father but that was still a natural part of life and they were both well into adulthood and could handle it. For her the loss would be of a whole other nature. She and Chuck were supposed to be together until the very end._

_In a foul mood she got up and decided she might as well head to bed_. _She walked slowly through the house turning all the lights off even though there were still two nurses awake somewhere in the house. Then she slowly walked up the stairs, trying not to think about the things her son and Dr. Winslow had said. Especially not the part of making up her mind to either do everything to save Chuck or to let him go. She couldn't bring herself to do one and she couldn't bear to do the other yet._

_She stopped at the upstairs landing and instead of walking to the bedroom she walked into Chuck's study. It hadn't been used for that purpose for years, except when their children visited and wanted a place to work. Blair had begun turning it into something of a family shrine in the past ten months. All sorts of souvenirs from the past fifty years was collected in the room together with even more photographs._

_On one of the walls they had three large baby pictures and she stopped to look at them. Her eyes fell on the one to the left. Julian at ten months old, sitting on a thick rug holding on to Monkey who was lying next to him keeping a watchful eye on the youngest member of the family. Chuck had insisted they include the dog in the picture and Blair hadn't had the heart to argue. Looking at the photograph always brought back memories and she smiled to herself as she thought back on when she and Chuck had first become parents._

* * *

><p>"Surprise!" Serena yelled and clapped her hands with excitement.<p>

The unexpected yell woke and startled the baby. Blair shared a look with Chuck and from the face he was making she could tell this wasn't his doing. They had not told anyone when they would be bringing the baby home, hoping to have a serene first day at home and spend it just the three of them together. Unfortunately serene and Serena were two very different things and since all of their closest friends and family had apparently gotten word of their homecoming the afternoon would probably be exhausting to say the least. There were at least twelve people in their apartment and while they appreciated the sentiment neither one of them was very fond of the teddybears, balloons and the unimaginative "It's a boy" banner they could spot in the living room.

"It's okay, sweetie" Blair soothed the baby, trying to get his overalls off as fast as she could so she could hold him in her arms.

"Wow, this… this is just… too much" Chuck said, managing to sound modest and polite even though Blair knew it had been criticism.

"Let us look at baby" Dorota said, striding over with outreached arms. "Guest of honor much awaited."

"Let's keep in mind that he is a day and a half old and should probably not be exposed to too many people" Blair said, cradling the baby.

"I'm sorry I made him cry" Serena said with a pout, bouncing over like an excited golden retriever. "It's just so exciting!"

"Give them some room" Chuck said as people began to huddle around Blair and the infant. "Guys, this is very nice of you all but if you don't mind we need to put our son down for a nap. The guest of honor will have to sit this one out."

"Oh come on, man" Nate protested. "We're all here to see the little guy."

"Sorry, baby calls the shots."

Blair made her way to their bedroom, relieved to note that only Chuck was in tow, carrying the bags. He closed the door behind them and sighed while Blair finally managed to get the baby to stop crying.

"What are they all doing here?" he asked, keeping his voice down in case they were right outside the door.

"How did they even know we were coming home?" Blair wondered. "It's really sweet of them to care so much but I'm not in the mood for this. I just wanted a nice, calm afternoon with you and the baby. I gave birth just two days ago and I'm not exactly feeling like being a hostess."

"If we just stay in here how long do you think it will be before they take the hint and leave?" Chuck asked, only half in jest.

"I say we put our game faces on, socialize for an hour and then make up some excuse to get them all out of here" Blair said. "I can't believe the baby has already gone back to sleep. Serena is not welcome over until she learns to control her vocal excitement."

Chuck walked over to watch her put the baby down in the cradle. Seeing their son in his bed in their home for the first time was a fascinating sight. He grabbed both halves of the baby monitor and made sure they were both on and working before placing the sender on the dresser next to the cradle.

"He's so precious" Blair smiled.

"You forgot to take off his hat" Chuck noticed and gave her the other half of the baby monitor before leaning in to gently remove the hat from the baby's head. He had very light, very fair hair on his head, barely more than a suggestion of hair growth, and Chuck gently ran his hand over it to feel its softness. The baby let out a sigh and both parents smiled.

"There we go" Chuck said. "Okay Mom, let's get this over with."

Blair took Chuck's hand and followed him back out to the living room where everyone seemed to be having a great time. They noticed that there were gift bags and a cake along with everything else and began to worry that they wouldn't be able to get people to clear out before the baby woke up again.

"You guys are so sweet" Blair said, not really meaning it.

"Come sit!" Serena said, clapping the empty spot next to her on the couch. "I want to hear everything that's happened since yesterday!"

Blair walked over slowly, deciding to remain standing since sitting wasn't pleasant at the moment. She managed a smile and glanced over at the clock on the wall. This really was going to be a long afternoon.

* * *

><p>Two hours later they were finally alone. The baby woke up just as people were getting ready to leave and Blair feared there would be commotion but somehow Chuck managed to get everybody out the door without the baby having to make an appearance. Once they were alone he walked to the bedroom, barely noticing Monkey trotting next to him. He found Blair sitting on the bed, trying her best to figure out the logistics of sitting up and nursing.<p>

"Should I get you a pillow?" Chuck asked.

"Yes please."

He looked around and then decided to just give her his own. He walked over to his side of the bed, pulled the bedspread aside and yanked the pillow free. He re-arranged the covers rather messily and walked over to her.

"Here you go. I'll help you hold him while you get this thing in its place."

After a bit of fumbling they got everything in perfect place and the baby began to nurse contently. Chuck kneeled in front of Blair and placed his hands on her knees.

"Does it still hurt?" he asked.

"Yeah. They say it will get better though. It's not too bad. Sitting down or going to the bathroom is far worse."

"At least you get a beautiful baby for your troubles" Chuck smiled.

"You'd better love him good, Bass" Blair said. "He's going to be your only child. Unless I die first and you get a twenty-something girlfriend when you're in your eighties."

"I thought we agreed on at least two" Chuck said with a frown.

"There's no way I'm going through all of that again" Blair said. "I love this little guy and he was worth it all but that doesn't mean I'm signing up for another round. I'm not a masochist! The only reason anyone ever had a sibling is because mankind wasn't smart enough to invent birth control until fairly recently. After that it just became tradition. And, like most traditions, it's idiotic."

"I'm disappointed to hear that" Chuck said. "I was hoping for another one of these. Whenever you're ready."

"When men can start to bear children we can talk."

They were both a bit startled when Monkey put his paws up on the bed and tried to get a look at the newest addition to the family. Neither one of them had realized he was even in the room. The dog leaned in and sniffed the baby's head, disturbing the little boy who made a protesting noise before finding the nipple again.

"Careful, Monkey" Chuck said. "Should I get him out of the room?"

"Let him sniff" Blair said. "We never discussed what we would do with him once the baby arrives but we might as well let them get acquainted."

The dog continued to sniff and eventually the baby was bothered enough that he began to cry. Chuck grabbed Monkey's collar and pulled him back down on the floor.

"Let him eat in peace, would you? Go lie down. Go on!"

The dog obediently trotted over to his spot in the corner and with a sigh laid down on his pillows.

"I think he's done" Blair said after a minute, trying to hold the baby still while covering herself back up. "Can you get a towel? He might spit up."

After burping the baby they changed his diaper, both of them finding it a completely disgusting chore and bickering for a few minutes over who really ought to be doing it. Once the diaper was changed Blair handed the baby to Chuck and shooed away the dog who had appeared in the bathroom.

"Hey Little Bassman" Chuck said.

"Careful with his head."

"Do you really want to make me more nervous than I already am?"

The baby fussed, not entirely happy with being changed and handed over to someone other than his mother.

"Oh, what is it, little guy?" Blair asked.

"I think he's saying he's upset that he's been here for hours and we haven't even shown him around" Chuck said. "He's going to grow up here and doesn't even know the way to the kitchen. Let's take the tour, shall we?"

Keeping a watchful eye on her husband and son Blair led the way, walking from room to room with Chuck and Monkey in tow.

"You see that couch?" Chuck said when they were in the living room. "It's white and it's expensive. Try not to puke on it, or worse. And you see the balloons and the banner and the bags? They are all for you. You may not have a name yet but you have a whole crowd of people who think you're amazing."

"Let me hold him again" Blair said. "I miss him when he's out of my arms for too long." She carefully took the baby back and nuzzled him. "You smell so lovely" she said. "And you're so soft. Hard to think that in a decade and a half you'll be as hairy as your dad."

"We're real men" Chuck said. "The whole metro thing is so not us."

"We still have one more room for you to see" Blair said. "Let's go take a look, shall we?"

She turned to head back towards the bedroom and nearly tripped over Monkey who was at her feet. She held the baby closer with a terrified look on her face and Chuck grabbed a hold of the dog collar and promptly took the dog to the nearest bathroom and locked him in. He went back to Blair who was looking a little frightened but seemed otherwise okay.

"If Monkey is going to be any sort of danger to my son then he has to go" Chuck said.

"It was an accident" Blair said with a slight tremble to her voice.

"I don't care. What if you had fallen over with the baby in your arms?"

"Let's not think about it, okay? I don't think Monkey would do anything to actually hurt our child. He's just… curious of him. Don't keep him in the bathroom all evening."

"As long as you're standing and holding the baby he stays in there. Come on, let's just go finish the tour."

They walked inside a room with pale blue walls and a clear racecar theme going on. Blair had eventually caved and agreed with Chuck's wishes since she couldn't decide on any theme she wanted as her own front-runner. Before the birth she had made a deal with him that since he got his choice for their first baby's nursery she would get to choose their second child's theme. Now she no longer planned on having a second child but she had to admit that the room looked nice and that the cars offered her a variation of colors to choose from.

"This, my sweet, is your future room" she said with a smile. "How do you like it? I know it's not directly next to mine and Daddy's but we'll be close enough. For now you'll sleep with us anyway. You liked the cradle we set up for you, didn't you?"

"Welcome home" Chuck said to the baby and leaned down to kiss him.

* * *

><p>"I know you're only a week old and too young to be going out on any real excursions, Julian…" Chuck said to the baby as he walked inside his office with the carry-cot in a strong grip and Monkey's leash in the other hand. "We'll just be a minute, okay? Daddy needs to get some paperwork so that I can work from home and spend my days with you and Mommy instead of at the office."<p>

He walked to his large mahogany desk and put the carry-cot down, letting the leash fall to the floor. Monkey sat down and looked up at him, obediently staying in place. Julian had woken up and his eyes drifted in every direction but didn't seem to be seeing much of anything. Chuck hurriedly gathered the things he needed for a week's worth of working from home and placed them in his leather briefcase.

"There" he said. "Hopefully we can make it back home before Mommy wakes up, not to mention in time for your next meal."

Julian's face scrunched up and he began to cry. Chuck carefully lifted him up, still not quite comfortable with how to hold the baby and terrified that he might drop him. Once Julian was safe and sound in his arms he shushed the boy gently and rocked him.

"There we go" he said. "What is it? You want a tour of Daddy's office?"

He caressed the boy's cheek with his finger and Julian took the finger in his mouth and sucked on it, looking up at his father. Chuck walked around the desk and once around the room, shushing the baby. By the time he got back to the desk Julian had quieted and Chuck smiled a little.

"That's a good boy. You know something? This is my office but it's only a teeny, tiny part of Bass Industries. And one day all of it is going to belong to you, my son. How about that, huh?" He stopped in front of the large windows overlooking the city below. "Now, I know what you're thinking. You've been saddled with a work-a-holic father who will never have time for you. I can assure you that I have no intention of falling into that pit. That being said I am not like other men, I am Chuck Bass, and I will never be your traditional parent."

He sat down in his chair and adjusted the baby in his arms. Julian seemed quite content at the moment but he wanted to keep him cheerful for a little while before he put him back in the carry-cot.

"There are probably a few things we should square out right from the start" he said to the baby. "Like for instance you will never see me coaching Little League. Or any other sport. I will reschedule my meetings and come cheer you on when you play and I will take you to hockey games and whatever else you're interested in but I don't do the coaching thing."

He kept talking to the baby for a while, enjoying the time alone with him. The past week had been a bit too hectic with surprisingly few people respecting a pair of new parents' need for some privacy. Serena, Nate, Lily, Dorota, Eleanor, all had showed up at all times of the day to coo at the baby and offer advice and services. They had gotten numerous calls and faxes and telegrams to congratulate them, from far more people than they had any real connection to. Blair had been close to losing her mind after a few days, trying to adjust to having a new baby, healing from the birth and dealing with sleep deprivation in the middle of all this outside attention.

"Poor Mommy" Chuck said to Julian. "Let's hope she's having a nice, long nap. We should probably get back. She'll worry if we're gone for too long and I think the dog walker is coming by in about thirty minutes." He got up and gently placed Julian in the carry-cot again, making sure he was properly tucked in and fastened. "There's a good boy. Yeah. That was your first visit to Daddy's office. How neat is that?"

He bent down and grabbed Monkey's leash. It took him a few seconds to figure out how to get his briefcase with him while holding the leash in one hand and the carry-cot in the other but eventually he figured it out and headed for the door. Once outside his office he handed the leash and briefcase to Cindy, his secretary. She seemed more interested in admiring Julian than carrying his things and he had to remind her to do what he had asked.

"Don't worry Cindy, you'll see your fill of him" he said as they walked towards the elevators.

"They're just so precious when they're this little" Cindy cooed.

"I know, I know. I guarantee you though that he will be just as precious next week and next month and next year."

"But never like he is now."

"Nonetheless we don't have time for adulation right now. He's starting to miss his mommy. I promise to bring him by again later."

They stepped on the elevator and headed down to the parking garage where Arthur was waiting with the limo. At least he was one employee capable of doing his job without stopping to fuss over the cute little baby. Chuck was very proud of his son but it was getting tiresome to have everybody stop and coo.

* * *

><p>"Where have you been?" Blair asked worriedly, hurrying up to take the baby the same second Chuck stepped through the door. "Monkey get out of the way."<p>

"I told you I'd take him with me to the office" Chuck said calmly.

"I must have been asleep when you told me that since there is no way on God's green earth I'd agree to taking my one week old child out _in public_ when it's _five degrees_ out. What the hell were you thinking?" She lifted Julian up and cradled him in her arms. "There, there sweetie. You're back with Mommy now."

"I didn't take him outside" Chuck said, taking off his coat. "He was safe and warm the entire time. The only person we saw except for Arthur was Cindy. He's fine."

"You don't know that. He might have caught a cold! Who knows what kind of germs Cindy carries around?"

"I needed some things from the office and I wanted you to get a chance to sleep" he said while putting his gloves away. "You said it was fine before I left."

"Let's keep him indoors from now on" Blair said, sitting the baby back down in the carry-cot to take off his outdoor clothes.

"Fresh air will do him good when the temperatures climb."

"The paparazzi won't."

"They will have lost interest by then."

Blair looked skeptical. They had been surprised to find a whole crowd of photographers waiting for them when they left the hospital. Someone must have tipped them off since they were waiting in the parking garage. Blair had been horrified, Chuck irritated and for the first time Blair had seen Arthur almost lose his temper as the photographers made it difficult for him to drive away.

"I really don't think we're news-worthy for much longer" Chuck said reassuringly. "We just hit a bit of a double-whammy by having a baby less than a year after getting married."

"Maybe we can hire a stand-in baby to fool the paparazzi when we go outside" Blair said. "I hate the thought of Julian being exposed to those people. It's partly because of the paparazzi that he's not my firstborn."

"He will be alright" Chuck said.

There was a knock on the door and Chuck turned to open.

"Don't" Blair said. "Check and see who it is first. I'm so sick of all those annoying well-wishers. They're just out to steal precious baby minutes away from us."

"It's the dog walker" Chuck reminded her.

"Oh. Right." She lifted the baby up again. "Well in that case Julian and I will be in the living room. The dog walker is not important enough to get to coo in his presence."

She walked off and Monkey began to follow but Chuck grabbed a hold of his collar.

"No, not right now" he said. "You need a bathroom break."

After handing the dog over to the dog walker he walked into the living room where Blair was giving the baby her full attention. He walked over and sat down beside her, kissing her cheek and wrapping an arm around her waist.

"Did you have fun at Daddy's office?" Blair asked Julian.

"He had a blast" Chuck said with a smile.

"Good, since he'll probably visit a fair number of times."

"I don't think I will be going back in for a while. I'm going to ask Lily to cover for me for the next… month at least."

"Really?" Blair said, tearing her eyes from the baby for a second.

"Julian is only going to be an infant for a short period of time" Chuck said, holding out his finger for his son to grip. "I care about the company but I hate the thought of being in my office when this little guy smiles for the first time. I finally have the family I always wanted and I will not make the mistakes my father made."

"Yeah but… There's always going to be some moments we miss. Are you sure you want to take too much time off? You've worked so hard to get the company where it is today."

"I doubt the company will go to hell under Lily's supervision; she's done an amazing job running it in the past. "

"What if she can't run it now? What if she doesn't want to?"

"Then I'll find someone else. My son is the most valuable thing I have. I said I wanted to be a real father who is there for him and I meant it."

"Parents can go to work and still be there for their children" Blair reminded him with a little laugh.

"We'll both go back to work eventually. I've just been realizing how precious this time with him is and how much bonding happens at this point. We have the luxury of being able to stay at home with him, both of us. We'd be crazy not to make use of it."

"How about that, huh?" Blair said to the baby. "Daddy's going to be staying at home with us for a while. Isn't that great?"

"Hopefully we can teach him that family comes before work" Chuck said. "Give him some decent priorities. We're bound to do a thousand things to mess him up so I'm hoping we can counter-act parts of it."

"Oh ye of little faith" Blair said. "Julian I think he's forgetting who he procreated with. I excel at things. That's just the way God created me. I will excel at motherhood and since I excelled in picking my spouse I have every confidence he will excel at fatherhood."

"Hormones are making you delusional" Chuck commented.

"Perhaps, but they're not making me depressed, now are they? Lesser women get depressed but I excel."

"So you're feeling well today, then?"

"I wish you would stop asking me how I feel all the time. Assume I'm feeling wonderful and I will let you know if that changes."

"I just want you to be feeling great" Chuck said and kissed her cheek. "Trust me when I say that will always be what I want for you."

"Worry less about me and more about Julian" Blair said. "I can handle a few sleepless nights and having to heal from the delivery and a baby sucking on my raw nipples. My concern is that he's going to come down with something. He's so tiny and fragile."

"Julian is going to be just fine" Chuck said. "He's got us."

Blair smiled and lifted her eyes from her son to give her husband a kiss.

* * *

><p>"So is motherhood everything it's cranked up to be?" Serena asked the following day, watching Blair fuss over the baby in her arms.<p>

"It's the strangest feeling" Blair said, eyes focusing on her son. "He's so little and so helpless and so _needy_. He has no manners, he screams at all hours, he has no grasp of hygiene and absolutely no appreciation for the things that signal class. Yesterday he threw up on a Dior jacket!"

"He does have the excuse of being a newborn" Serena pointed out dryly.

"He's everything I look down upon in people and yet I love him so much it hurts. I can't get enough of holding him and I can watch Chuck with him for hours. Having a baby is… really something special."

"You and Chuck are going to have a dozen of these little cuties" Serena said, grinning widely and making faces at the baby even though he couldn't see her.

"Yeah, I'll get right on that" Blair said dryly.

"Well not right away. But at least you have someone to have babies with."

"Serena I'm in the first euphoric motherhood phase. Can we please save your grievances about your own life until later?"

"Fine" Serena said, smile gone.

"Besides, Julian is going to be an only child" Blair said, kissing the baby's brow. "They say childbirth is painful but they're wrong. There needs to be a whole other word for it. I am never doing it again for as long as I live."

"Is it really that bad?"

"It's hours of agony followed by what is essentially pushing a lemon through your nostril. I love my son but there's no way I'd ever go through that knowing what it feels like."

"Can we talk about something else?" Serena said, fearing that Blair would move on to talk about the messier details of childbirth.

"I'm just saying. Babies are fun to make but then the process just goes downhill."

"Not that I will be finding out anytime soon" Serna said, feeling a bit sorry for herself.

"All in good time, S" Blair said. "My sweet little Julian is happy to be the only baby around right now. We don't like to share the spotlight, do we Julian?"

"So is his name only Julian?"

"We're thinking about calling him Bass as a surname" Blair said, giving Serena a look like she was an idiot.

"Julian Bartholomew Bass?"

"Ew, no" Blair frowned. "His grandfather does not get to be honored."

"Isn't Bartholomew Chuck's middle-name?"

"A lot of good that did him. I'm thinking of calling him Henry for a middle-name. Chuck wanted to call him that and it is a name fit for a king."

"Well since it's not going to be saved for a future brother…" Serena said with a shrug. She was getting tired of talking about the baby. He was very cute but he didn't do much and Blair wouldn't let her hold him. It was starting to get tiresome that all Blair spoke of was her infant. "Hey, I went to Bergdorf's the other day! They had this amazing new selection of-"

"Wait, hold on Serena" Blair said, lifting the baby up to smell the diaper. "No, no we're good. False alarm."

"Did you just…?" Serena said, looking disgusted.

"He hasn't had a diaper change in four hours" Blair said. "Usually they're needed more often than that."

"Yeah, I suddenly no longer long for babies" Serena said, still with a disgusted face.

"The weird thing I don't mind as much as I thought I would" Blair said. "It's gross but he's such a little gem that it's worth doing. If you want to know what's really gross it's the umbilical cord."

"Ew, you didn't cut it?" Serena said, looking like she was about to be sick.

"Chuck cut it after delivery" Blair said. "We're not animals! But there's a stump left still and I can't wait for it to fall off."

"Babies are gross."

"The beginning of life is a messy affair" Blair agreed. She studied her son with a thoughtful, loving expression. "And yet… it's beautiful. I feel so blessed that I got to have a baby with Chuck. It really is the most special thing two people can share. I see myself in Julian and I see my husband."

Serena kept in a sigh. The sentiment was sweet but she had already heard it twice. She felt relieved when Chuck came back from walking the dog and came to take the baby. Perhaps now they could have a normal conversation.

"Come to Daddy, little trooper" he said, carefully taking the baby from Blair. "Let's give Mom and Serena some time to talk. Let them babble about hairstyles and celebrities while you and me talk about something manly, like cooking outdoors."

"You've never cooked outdoors" Serena snorted. "Have you ever even cooked indoors?"

Chuck smirked at her and left the room with Monkey at his heels. Blair watched them go and sighed happily.

"It's true" she said. "I have the perfect life."

* * *

><p>Chuck barely dared to breathe. Julian seemed to have finally gone to sleep but he had a habit of waking up again if he was put down in a carry-cot or his cradle within the first five or ten minutes after falling asleep. Chuck had been walking back and forth with him in the living room for the past forty-five minutes and he was exhausted. It was three o'clock in the morning and it wouldn't be much more than an hour and a half before the baby woke up to be fed again.<p>

"You're killing me, Julian" Chuck sighed. "Do you think you can stay asleep now?"

Suppressing a yawn he walked back to the bedroom where Blair was sleeping heavily. After the baby's last feeding Chuck had taken him to change the diaper and then lull him back to sleep and she had gone out like a light. She was, if possible, even more tired than her husband.

"Stay asleep now, like a good little boy" Chuck whispered and put his son down in his cradle. "Nice and easy…"

He held his breath and watched the little boy for half a minute, praying he would stay asleep. When Julian made no sign of waking up he sighed with relief and walked to the bed. Barely having the energy to lift the covers up he got into bed and scooted over to Blair, wrapping an arm around her which caused her to stir and groan. Assuming she was groaning because she had been woken up he nuzzled closer and closed his eyes, ready to go to sleep.

"No" Blair groaned and nudged him away with her elbow. "Leave me alone."

"It's just me" Chuck mumbled sleepily.

"Chuck get off."

He opened his eyes and frowned, wondering what this was all about. When she whimpered and gave him another nudge he obediently moved away a little and waited for an explanation.

"I haven't had my body to myself for almost a year" Blair complained. "First there was a baby in it and now there's a baby constantly attached to it. I don't want any physical contact right now. I just want to be left alone for a measly hour or two."

Too tired to argue but too annoyed to be able to go to sleep Chuck huffed and pointedly moved as far away from her as he could get without falling out of the bed. He rolled away from her and sulked over how she only paid attention to the baby nowadays and cared little for her husband. He knew her every instinct was about the baby at this stage but a little love and affection didn't seem like too much to ask for.

* * *

><p>"Daddy's home!" Chuck declared, walking into the living room with a smile on his face.<p>

Blair glared up at him from her spot on the couch. Her feet were up on the table and her arms crossed over her chest, making her look more like a petulant teenager than an adult. It annoyed her that he was in such a great mood though she wasn't entirely sure why, which in turn made her more annoyed.

"Why are you making such a fuss?" she asked. "You were only gone for a few hours."

"What a perfect way to greet your husband" Chuck smirked. "What's the matter with _you_? It's a beautiful day, it follows a night when Julian slept for five hours straight and I have gotten us reservations at your favorite restaurant."

"I hope you mean ordering in because I'm not showing myself outside wearing a dress."

"Yes you are" Chuck said, refusing to be moved from his good mood. "Wear whatever you like and I'll find a bowtie to match."

"Has the baby screaming made you hard of hearing? I said I won't show myself to anyone while wearing a dress."

"That's your objection? I thought you would object to leaving Julian for a few hours. Which, by the way, I have made arrangements for. Your mother is coming over to baby-sit and we will have eaten our dinner and returned home safely within two and a half hours, giving us at least thirty minutes before his next meal."

"I never planned on getting as far as that objection because the first objection should be enough."

"Knowing his sleeping patterns he'll go to sleep after his seven o'clock feeding and when he wakes up we'll be back home and he'll never even know Mom and Dad were gone" Chuck continued as if she hadn't said anything.

"We are not going" Blair insisted.

"Why? We could use a few hours out by ourselves."

"The sentiment is sweet but it is not happening until I look presentable."

"How much more beautiful can you get?" Chuck snorted.

"Beautiful? I look awful!"

Chuck rolled his eyes and walked over to sit next to her. The post-partum depression she had sniggered at before had begun to rear its ugly head and while he could handle random uncontrolled outbursts of sadness he had been dreading one that related to her looks.

"If you look awful then I pity every other woman in New York."

"You're just saying that because you have to" Blair sulked. "Because you married me and because I gave you a child and that means you're now stuck with me. Don't give me that look, my appearance is ruined."

"No it's not. Even if it was, give me a little credit please. I happened to luck out in finding everything I want and need in such a beautiful package but I would love you just as much if you were a 2 and not a 10."

"That is crap and we both know it" Blair snorted. "I'm hideous and I know you think so. My whole body has… mutated."

"You've already lost some of your pregnancy weight" Chuck said. "Your figure will go back to the way it was. It's only been three weeks, give it some time."

"It's not just my figure" Blair complained. "I have stretch marks!"

"They'll fade."

"What kind of a stupid reassurance is that? And let's talk about my boobs for a while."

"Please."

"Have you seen them lately?"

"Several times a day. What seems to be the problem?"

"Have you _looked_ at them? I finally have an ample bosom and they look hideous."

"Stop saying that word. It doesn't belong in a sentence with any part of you."

"Don't think you can slither your way out of this one. Either you think they are awful now or you've been talking crap since we were sixteen."

"You're going to have to spell it out for me because I really don't follow you at all."

"For the past eight years I've heard you blather about how my breasts are the perfect shape and the perfect size and perfectly firm."

"I'm a big fan, yes."

"Well they're not like that anymore. They're Serena's size, oddly shaped and there's not going to be a single thing firm above them once your son stops using them as a brown bag. Either you've been lying when you said you liked them smaller or you hate them now."

"I stand by my previous statement" Chuck said. "I also think they look great the way they are now."

"No, the diplomat's answer is not going to save you."

"I love you. I think you're very hot. What more do you want?"

"You don't think I'm hot" Blair said, tears beginning to fall down her face. "I don't arouse you at all anymore."

"What?"

"You haven't looked at me that way in weeks."

Chuck fought to keep back a sigh. Now she was just being irrational.

"We _can't_ have sex right now" he reminded her. "I'm shocked you should even want to."

"I don't but that's not the point!"

"We're both exhausted and we've got our son to focus on. It's true that sex has been far from my mind since he was born but it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. All the diapers and the spit-up and the sleepless nights…"

"It just sucks" Blair said, trying to dry her tears. "It's our first Valentine's Day as husband and wife and it should be special but it's not going to be."

"Why do you think I got us the reservations? We can make it special without giving the mattress a work-out, can't we?"

"You know, there are still things we could do" Blair said, going from sad to seductive in three seconds flat. "I may be out of commission for the time being but there's nothing wrong with _your_ anatomy…"

"As lovely as that sounds you really don't have to offer" he said. "I don't think you're actually in the mood for it. When we both feel relaxed and ready we can start having naked quality time again. Until then, where's the harm in just making out? We can go to dinner then take a hot bath together if you're up for it. Maybe dance together?"

"Forget it" Blair sulked and got up from her seat. "Our first Valentine's in holy matrimony is completely ruined and settling for dinner and a bath and perhaps a dance is a mockery of all the things we would have done to display our love for one another if we hadn't had an infant. Why the hell couldn't we have conceived two months later?"

"If we had the baby born would not have been Julian. Since when do we need sex to show each other how we feel?"

"It's not about _showing_ each other how we feel" Blair said, contradicting what she had said a few seconds ago. "It's about celebrating it."

"Here I thought champagne and a fine dinner were traditional ways of celebration."

"By all means, go out to dinner. I will be staying home, taking care of our baby."

She stomped off and Chuck sighed and rolled his eyes. He felt very disappointed at this turn of events and hoped she would change her mind once she had calmed down. Under normal circumstances he wouldn't dream of celebrating this holiday without some form of sexual activity but this was not a normal year. Just the thought of an evening filled with sex sounded exhausting to him at the moment and there was no question that Blair would not enjoy it. To him that meant they could celebrate by focusing on the aspects of their love that weren't directly tied to sex and appreciate each other through more emotional means but Blair seemed to be of a different mindset. He could probably give Eleanor a call right away and tell her that the plans for the evening were cancelled. It was shaping up to be a boring Valentine's Day.

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><p>It was an hour past midnight but Blair was awake. She was sitting up in bed, leaning back against a pair of pillows propped up between her back and the headboard. Chuck was curled up next to her, sound asleep. She studied him with a small smile on her face, her fingers gently playing with his bangs. She had been watching him sleep for the past half-hour, enjoying every minute. He needed his sleep. They both did. Still it was hard to resist touching him even though it might disturb his slumber. Almost acting on its own will her fingers left his bangs and her hand caressed his cheek. He made a noise and squinted, waking up at the touch.<p>

"Hey" Blair said.

"What is it?" he asked sleepily. "Is it Julian?"

"No. I missed you."

"I'm right here" he said with a smile, closing his eyes again while her fingers returned to his hair. "I'll never be apart from you again. You know that."

"I do. But I still miss you when you sleep sometimes."

"Your Aerosmithian love is endearing."

She laughed a little and he smiled. This was the first time since the baby had been born that she had been this affectionate with him and he enjoyed every second of it. She had neither been affectionate nor in a good mood in the past ten hours so this was a nice change of pace.

"It's not Valentine's Day anymore" she said.

"Next year we'll have a much more naked celebration, I promise" Chuck mumbled.

"I know I was a pain today and I'm sorry. I've been so disappointed for over a week that we wouldn't be able to do anything special for our first Valentine's as husband and wife. But I just realized… The proof of how we feel about each other is sleeping in his cradle just a few feet away. I don't need a special day to show you how exceptional you are to me or to be reaffirmed in your feelings for me."

Still with his eyes closed he reached out his hand and took the one of hers not playing with his bangs. He gently ran his thumb over the back of her hand.

"And I'm sorry for being a hormonal bitch" she said. "Again."

"It's okay. Your '_I birthed your baby_' get-out-of-jail-free card is still valid for another month."

She slid further down on the bed and began to rearrange her pillows so she could lie comfortably. Chuck opened his eyes and helped her settle in, then wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close. She felt his hot breath on her neck and smiled. It felt reassuring and comforting.

"Sometimes I think about how close we came to missing out on all this" she said.

"The important thing is that we didn't."

"When I think about the times you weren't mine and couldn't be mine even though I wanted you to be… Those times when neither of us wanted anything in this world but each other but we still couldn't be together… It scares me a little. All our dreams came true in the end. People don't get these kind of endings. When is something going to go wrong?"

"Not every love story has a tragic ending" Chuck replied. "All those months, those years really, spent apart? They may have seemed like forever at the time but when we're in our golden years looking back at them they will be just one or two chapters in a very large book."

"One or two very difficult pages."

"All that matters is that there won't be any other chapters like them. Come what may you're stuck with me, for better or for worse. Nothing you could do could drive me away and our marriage is far too precious to me to ever gamble with."

"Sometimes I think of where we would be today if it hadn't been for those darker chapters. Somehow I don't think we'd have the same strength. We know what it's like to love each other and have everything we want together and to then lose it. Nothing stands a chance at coming between us. Not even my crazy hormones."

"You're going through something natural. You'll feel like your old self again before you know it."

"I'm just sorry I ruined our Valentine's Day. It wasn't the absence of sex that messed it up, it was me."

"It may be February 15th now but this, what we're doing right now, is what I wanted for our Valentine's."

She let the words sink in for a few seconds and then shifted to turn her head and look at him. He smiled a little at her and she felt herself welling up. She tried to force the feeling to go away, hating not being in control over her emotions. It took her a moment to dare to speak without her voice trembling.

"Do you want to make out?" she asked, feeling completely stupid when she heard how the words sounded. "You suggested it earlier." She almost cringed at the not-so-saving save.

"Are you sure you're up for it?" Chuck asked. "You don't want to try and get some sleep instead? Julian will wake up before we know it."

"Then we can have some quality time until then" she said, turning around so that her whole body faced him. She placed a hand on his cheek, leaned in and gave him a light kiss. "Sex or no sex, I need an outlet for my feelings for you or I might lose my mind."

He kissed her lovingly and rolled over on his back, taking her with him. Wrapping his arms around her back he let her tongue in his mouth and moaned with contentment.

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><p><em>She turned off the lights in the bathroom and closed the door behind her. The room was almost completely dark save for a lamp on her nightstand. Chuck was fast asleep, rolled over on his side facing the window. His wheezing breaths sent chills through her and she wondered if she would ever be able to fall asleep with that sound filling her ears. He had begun to snore when he neared his thirties and it had taken her months to get used to it but this would be even more difficult to grow accustomed to.<em>

_Walking over to the bed she ran her right hand up and down her left arm, hating the feeling of the wrinkles on her skin. She had never been able to accept the signs of growing old and she was beginning to put more and more faith in the idea that growing old was nature's way of easing the blow of death. Who the hell wanted to live forever like this? If she could have lived forever looking and feeling like she had at thirty then she would have eagerly accepted the opportunity. At that age she had been beautiful still, she had been vibrant and energetic, she had been happily married and the mother of two beautiful children. The love between herself and her husband had only grown stronger each passing year but the older they got the more subdued things had become. Not that they hadn't enjoyed long nights of endless passion when they were well into their sixties but there had been something about those earlier years that they had never been able to recapture. The passion and fire of two young people in love, the enthusiasm for adventure and exploration. Perhaps much of it had been in the knowledge that they had their whole future ahead of them and that this was only the beginning. Now they were at the very end and there was nothing more to look forward to except the few and far between glimmers of lucidity in Chuck._

_She lifted up the covers and crawled underneath, scooting closer to her husband. She felt one of his feet against her leg and quickly drew herself back. His foot was icy cold and his toenails had scratched her a little. He had always kept his feet well-pedicured throughout his life but not anymore. It angered Blair that the nurses she paid good money to look after him didn't take proper care of his feet and she made up her mind to speak to them about it in the morning. Perhaps she would give his feet a work-over herself or send for someone from a quality salon. She would not permit any derivations from the way Chuck had kept himself during the majority of his life. That's why she still had him wear bowties when he was up and about._

_She rolled over on her back and closed her eyes, wishing she had earplugs. After a few minutes his breathing stopped and her eyes opened and her heart started to pound in her chest. After two seconds he started breathing again and she realized it was probably nothing more than a hitch. It scared her all the same and she lay awake for a long time that evening, disturbed by the sound of his breathing and terrified of hearing it stop._

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><p>Reviews are love =)<p> 


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